Choices, so many choices. We get to choose simple things such as deciding what to eat. Then there’s more complex things, such as career choices and where to settle. 

Choices are never easy. However, I always felt that if I believed in my choice and was dedicated to it, I would succeed.

So when I made the choice to grow a flower, I picked out the most perfect spot for it. 

I researched and studied to make sure I planted the flower in the right location. I made sure to give the seed water, light, and attempted to provide extra nutrients.

But for the first time in my life, despite my beliefs and my effort, the seed would not grow. 

Many people knew I had planted a seed and wanted to know if it had bloomed. 
The questions were innocent but they stabbed at my heart. I was failing.

I was trying so hard, but I was failing. How do I tell people I could not produce a flower, despite my best efforts? 

I thought I had the perfect location. The healthiest of soils, but it didn’t matter. It would not grow. 

I would see other people attempt to grow the same flower with success. Instead of being happy for their success, I was crushed and confused. 

Crushed under the weight of my guilt for not being happy for them. 

Confused on how people could be so successful under the same or worse conditions. 

 Crushed at my own failed attempts. 

Confused by the multitude of emotions that came crashing in like a storm at sea. 

Crushed under a sadness that felt heavier than any other sadness I’ve ever experienced.  

Confused by all the advice. Should I try something new? Or give up altogether? Is there something wrong with me? Do I need to change everything? 

Choices. So many choices that are in our control. But this plant, this seed, is out of my control.

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