It’s Time we start seeing each other “I 2 I.”

It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I had just finished my weekly long run when the song I 2 I came on my running playlist. Talk about nostalgia! Now if you don’t know this song, you probably haven’t seen The Goofy Movie or have forgotten it existed. (To listen to the song click here). I loved watching The Goofy Movie as a kid and it was probably my top 10 favorite Disney Movies of all time. The main point of the movie is Goofy wants to get closer to his teenage son Max, but being a teenager Max wants to do his own thing and is easily embarrassed by his Dad.

Now, I’m not sure why it took 27 years for me to finally get the point of the song I 2 I but it did. As a kid, I thought it was just a cool song to end the movie. I now realize how this song is about truly listening to understand to form connections such as one from a parent to a child during the teen years. The lyrics go, ” If we listen to each other’s heart, we find we’re never too far apart. And maybe love is the reason why, for the first time ever we’re seeing it eye to eye.” Throughout the movie, Goofy and Max are putting both of their individual needs before actually trying to understand where the other one if coming from. Goofy thinks the way to get Max to like him again is to smother him with attention and bond over a father son trip where Max just wants space and doesn’t realize how much his Dad misses hanging out with him.

As I listened to the lyrics, I realize how this song more than ever applies to our current situation in our world. It’s an election year, there’s a global pandemic and Black Lives Matter is awakening people to the social injustices of our country. Due to all of these things happening people have opinions and boy do people have opinions. My social media is mostly people sharing articles to make people aware of what’s going on as well as comments that state more or less “you’re wrong, I’m right.” Clearly, we as a nation are not seeing I 2 I.

I’m an empathetic person. It was one of my biggest strengths when I took a strength quest test in college but I also have opinions. It is hard to not look at someone’s opinion on social media that I do not agree with and not get angry or upset especially when it seems to me that there are obvious wrong and right answers here but that’s the thing, there are not always right or obvious answers. If you are truly using empathy, no matter how ridiculous you think someone’s ideas are you have to think about where they are coming from and why they think the way they do. Being truly empathetic requires you to look at all sides of a situation. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with a person, but it helps you better understand where they are coming from.

For example, person A may feel like we still need strict lock downs and person B wants to go on living life. If we actually listen to Person A we may realize that person A has someone sick at home and is afraid of bringing the virus home to their family member. Their fear is the idea that they could bring death literally into their home. However, person B has depression and being off of work has caused this to grow worse. Maybe person B needs socialization in order to get out of slump and zoom calls are just not cutting it. If we take the time to listen to both people, can we not come up with a compromise? Instead, we call person A a snowflake who doesn’t care about personal freedoms and the economy and we call person B a selfish person who doesn’t care about others. Sounds silly doesn’t it?

Instead of being empathetic, social media has become an avenue for shaming people and I am guilty of this as well. I get fired up about a topic and I want to shake the world’s head and scream “Why is this happening and why can’t you see this is wrong.” But this tactic is shame. According to the Oxford dictionary shame is defined as, “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” If you don’t believe people are at least attempting to shame people on social media read any comments from a local news station and you will see how grown adults act and argue like a toddler.

Posting about a topic that one is passionate about is fine and dandy but if that person comes off as condescending or pointing a finger at others, it’s not going to cause people to change. Instead it causes resentment, anger, or sadness to where they feel helpless on where to even start changing.

We think people should know better because the internet has so much information but remember we still live in a bubble even on the internet. Who we choose to follow, interact with, and even the pages we like all impact what we see. I can choose to look at someone who may post something I don’t agree with and think they are an idiot but does that actually help? If instead I take the time to ask why they think this and see where they are coming from I can get better insight on to why we think differently. Just a warning, these conversations are much better said in person and not on the internet where things can be easily misconstrued.

We’re living in a time where there’s a lot of tension and unknowns. If we listen with love and understanding instead of hate, I think we will find more solutions. Just like in The Goofy Movie, when Max and Goofy took time to understand each other they were able to build a better relationship and not fight as much. Disagreements are fine. It’s important that we don’t all think the same way but we need to learn on how to communicate effectively and to lead by love and not hate.

What Side of History do you want to be On?

What side of history do you want to be on? I have asked this question to my 5th grade class numerous times this school year. In 5th grade, we have dived deep into some heavy topics such as Revolutionary War, World War II, the Cold War, and before COVID19 hit we had just finished reading Through My Eyes, a memoir by Ruby Bridges.

Now if you have not read Through My Eyes, it’s an excellent story from Ruby’s own voice of what it was like to be a young black girl going to an all white school in the south. The words themselves are great to read, but the thing that struck my class and me the most are the pictures. This book has photographs of Ruby heading into the school escorted by US Marshalls while white people, mostly white mothers, are screaming and protesting that this young girl be taken away and to never let her set foot into their school. She was spat on, threatened, and there was even a picture of someone holding a black doll in a casket. This was her reality. A reality that today we look at as shameful and horrid. How could people do this to an innocent 6 year old girl? The pictures do not lie. The people in them appear hateful, racists, and evil.

Now as many 10 and 11 year old would, they questioned why did people do this? How could they? Are these people evil? I explained they are definitely not on the right side of history, but did they know better?

We talked about the culture of the south and the history of slavery. Slavery wasn’t that long ago and some people’s attitudes towards African Americans were not going to change over night, especially if their parents raised them to hate and they raised their own children that way as so on and so forth. It’s a cycle. A cycle that lives on today and if someone doesn’t change their mind they will continue to preach hate and think they are not wrong. I told them it’s easy to judge these people and the photos hold the truth, but what would be really interesting is to see if any of those people in those photos became aware of how horrible their actions were towards Ruby and other African Americans.

Personally, I applaud the people who change and become self aware of how their thoughts and actions might impact others. There was a lot of evil and hate in the photographs of Through my Eyes but I do not doubt someone from those photos realized the mistakes they had make. Can you imagine how hard that might be? If your whole life you had beliefs that were taught to you from a young age, could you change them?

I’m from the North. All throughout my schooling I learned how awful the south was and we were the “good guys” during the Civil War and in the Civil Rights Era. I was raised to treat all people with respect no matter what they looked like. My parents’ values and some of the school’s values became my own and it wasn’t until college, that I was able to make my own values and shape my own understanding of the world, piece by piece and I’m still not done figuring out my values, morals, and beliefs.

If my parents taught me that skin color matters and not to respect people would I still have my current values and beliefs? If my school preached segregation would I believe in integration? I always think back to church. I have nothing but respect for people who convert to Catholicism on their own. There was a few people I knew in college who did it for themselves and not even because they were marrying another Catholic. I can’t honestly say if I would be a Catholic on my own. I’m Catholic because my parents raised me that way, not because I chose this on my own account. Sure, I still practice Catholicism and attend church. I even recently got married in the Catholic church because it was an expectation. It’s familiar and I, like many others, appreciate familiarity. Change is hard.

It’s easy to judge, especially in today’s world when life is so chaotic and information is so easy to access. I fear that because information is so easy to get, we think people need to be able to change and become molded to fit our ideals. At times my social media is nothing but people bashing each other. I get it. I don’t understand a lot of things either, but there’s always two sides to a coin.

The United States went into a panic when COVID19 became a reality and not just some disease halfway across the globe. People started to gather supplies and hoard things. This resulted in grocery stores becoming bare and essential items nonexistent. People were angry about such greediness.

I was also angry about the lack of supplies and people taking way more than necessary but when I heard the news of these empty grocery stores, the first thing I told my husband was we needed to get to the store. Did we really need groceries? No, in fact we would have been fine for a few days, but my instincts told me to get things before everything was gone. It became a competition of who could find toilet paper and pasta.

You see most people’s first thoughts were not to go help other people. It was to fend for your family and yourself. We criticize the masses, but gosh I was not the first to think of other people. It wasn’t until I saw all the posts about helping the elderly that I realized my mistake.

It was then that I saw the beauty of this Pandemic. People started to help each other out. People volunteered to make masks, feed students and hospital workers, and pick up items for others who were at the most risk. Teachers started organizing parades and some companies still found a way to pay their employees.

The big buzz word of 2020 is social distancing. We shake our heads at the people we see still gathered in groups but again do they know better? Do they have parents at home to tell them to not go out? I get most of my “Don’t leave the house” information from Facebook. Do they have social media and if they do, do their friends post this information or is it just funny memes and tiktok videos? Do they even have internet access? How are some of our most vulnerable, such as our homeless population getting this information without libraries and other resources? Do we just shake our head and write a post about social distancing or do we inform and help?

This pandemic hasn’t been easy. Half of my family is in the at risk category, including myself. I worry about them and get teary eyed when people suggest we should just continue on with our lives and worry more about the economy than lives.

Yet, maybe these are some of the people who are out of work and aren’t getting paid at this time? They need the economy back to normal in order to thrive. This makes it a little more understandable.

The problem always boils down to what we know and our experiences. If you have no connection to what’s going on it’s going to be hard to empathize. I didn’t empathize with China at first. I literally thought, “Gee that sucks but it’s not my problem.” We need to change our mindset to value all human life. Maybe this is what this virus is trying to teach us? When bad things happen, it’s not just one person or country’s problem it’s all of our problems. However, we can’t just complain at what people are doing or not doing. We have to inform, teach, and reach out, from 6 feet away of course.

I realize not everyone can do this. For some people sitting at home is all they should be asked to do during this time, but some people might have the energy to do more, only they can decide that.

With COVID19, I didn’t realize my students were already going to have to ask themselves “What side of history do I want to be on?” We can’t change the virus but we can control our actions, our thoughts, and our words. Take time to reflect during this time, be the thread not the scissors that cuts us apart.

The Otherside: A Poem

The Otherside

is neccessary to know,

To connect with others

To feel, love, and grow.

But once I took that first sip of knowledge,

I was no longer ignorant to pain, struggle, and sorrow.

It was suffocating,

Knowing I can no longer ignore it

And just foget about it tomorrow.

As I try live a life to the best of my ability,

Trying to advocate for the poor, sick, and those with a disability.

The knowledge of knowing their pain,

crushes me with guilt,

and makes my anxiety grow insane.

It would be easier to pretend,

That those stories are far away across the sea,

But I know different,

And it crushes me.

It can’t be ignored,

Not when wealth stares into my eyes,

While down the road,

An 11 year old sells coke to survive.

I have realized the starting line has never been equal,

And it favors some for no rhyme or reason,

This exploiting of the wealthy,

Is not me trying to start a treason.

But to those who shout on Sunday,

“Lord let me help my neighbor!”

I beg you to live out those words,

And do someone a favor.

When I visit the schools,

The hood, the shops,

It made me aware of the culture,

Understood the fear of cops.

I talked to the people,

heard their stories,

their truths.

It was not always easy to

not fear or judge,

or become aloof.

But this I tell myself everyday,

Ignorance and fear will destroy us,

But by bridging the gap,

understanding the problems they mention,

empathy will restore human connection.

Let’s get rid of the idea that “If I can do it, you can too.”

Ah yes the good old phrase, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” is a staple in American culture. We in fact are the country of opportunity where many an immigrant has come to chase their fortune and better their life. America has many opportunities. I was able to become educated as a woman which is not something all countries have and I have moved freely multiple times without any problems which again is something not all people can do in other countries.

There’s a great debate going on with this next election that some canidates are pushing to get rid of student debt since it’s impacting many young people who want to buy houses, start a family, or even they just need money to survive. Those who do not agree with getting rid of student debt usually say something such as, “I was able to put myself through college working a part time job and I didn’t attend a fancy school and majored in a reasonable career not something like philsophy. Therefore, all you students made stupid choices and need to reap the seeds you have sown.”

Now before I argue why this mentality is the most horendous notion ever let me continue to say I do not think college should be free. I believe in toxic charity and the idea of just giving things away to people without them having to earn anything is not good. There is something said about knowing the value of working hard to achieve something and those who are just given things without any expecations sometimes take those things for granted. However here are some reasons why the “I did it this way so you can do it too” doesn’t fly.

Community College, Fancy College, You still can have Debt

I am one of the 44 million Americans who have student loan debt. I attended college out of state, but it was cheaper for me to attend school in Iowa. Yes, I could have attended the local community college and had significantly less debt but it was not the best choice for me. My brother, did attend a community college before going to the University that I attended and still has debt so this notion of going to community college first to prevent debt doesn’t neccessarily work anyways.

Most people I knew in college worked Part time if not Multiple Jobs

I have no idea why people think students don’t work today. All throughout college I had multiple jobs but minimum wage in Iowa is a $7.25. Please tell me how working even full time at $7.25 can pay for your college tuition? Working 40 hours at $7.25 is about $13,920 a year but I did not take out taxes so it would be signifcantly less. Average tuition in Iowa is about $9,000 but that does not include room and board and textbooks.

Not All Majors are “silly” and still make significantly less

I went to school to become a teacher. The amount of debt I have versus my monthly pay check doesn’t balance. My first year as a teacher I took home roughly $800 dollars every two weeks. Wal-Mart cashiers were making more than me. If I had a child, I would have qualified for food stamps. If anyone thinks education is a “silly useless” major they need to think of how that could significanlty impact our country. Teacher shortage is no joke but why would anyone want to go into a field where you pay the same amount of money for school as everyone else but make a lot less? I know I have had people tell me, “You knew that your income would be little, so don’t complain about the money that was your choice.” Well, OK buddy still doesn’t make it right. If no one fights for the equality of pay who will?

Social workers are dealing with similiar isues and many of them who go into social work need to get their masters to advance which is even more debt. A lot of programs where you get your masters, you must take a internship which is often unpaid and prevents you from working.

My only saving grace is hopefully in another 5 years I can apply for loan forgivenes. However, 99% of the people who applied for this have been denied so that outlook isn’t looking so good.

In my opinion, if Loan Forgivness Programs actually work, they are a great idea. People are earning their way back and can know that eventually they can see some relief. Right now loan forgivness programs are for careers such as educators, nurses, social workers, police officers, and firemen among many others.

Things aren’t the same as they were “back in the day”

Student loans interests rates are ridiculous. My current rate is almost 7%. My car loan on the other hand is 1%. I will have my car loan paid off soon while I won’t even be close with my student loan. Now, if there could be a plan to get those rates lowered or taken away more people could pay off their loans.

In 1980, the average cost of college for all four years was $9,970. Now, that’s one year of tutition. More people could pay off their college while working part time with that kind of cost but it’s not 1980 anymore.

People can not compared to what they went through if it was years ago. The standards are not the same.

Your life experience is not the same as everyone else

“If I can do it, you can too,” is not a logical statement. Everyone has different life experiences and circumstances. This is casting blame and judgement for those who are trying but can’t get out of poverty, debt, or addiction.

In the case of college debt, if you are a recent grad and made it out debt free maybe you have some say in this crisis. However, if you went to college 20 plus years ago remember the cost has increased signigicantly, interests rates are high, and the minimum wage has stayed stagnant for 10 years but prices have not.

Maybe you had a rough start to life and were able to make it. Congrats! However, not everyone can. It all comes down to wealth, race, and opportunities. If you don’t happen to get lucky in the gamble of life you might not make it out.

Sure, you can make your own luck by working hard but that doesn’t happen for everyone. For example, in order to get a decent job, you need to at least finish high school and go to trade school or maybe college. But, what if don’t finish high school because you’re reading level is significanlty lower than most which impacted your ability to learn and do well on tests? This didn’t just happen because you’re lazy, in fact you’re the opposite of lazy but you are tired. You’re tired of being behind in your class since kindergarten because your parents for some reason or another didn’t have time to help you or read to you or give you the love you needed to grow. Your teachers tried to get you the help you needed but increase class sizes and higher demands never closed the gap you so desperately needed. Maybe a private tutor in the summer would have helped but the cost of a tutor is $20 to $30 dollars an hour. Your parents couldn’t have afforded rent let alone a tutor.

Or maybe you have recently been diagnosed with depression. Aunt Susie says she knows a girl who has depression who started doing yoga and now she’s fine. Why don’t you start doing yoga? Sitting in bed isn’t going to help you out. You need to get out and live! Meanwhile, Aunt Susie doesn’t realize a symptom of depression is not being able to physically get out of bed to do the things needed to get better and the cycle continues.

We Need Empathy Not the Blame Game

I read a quote recently that states, “We need to stop putting others in their place, and put ourselves in their place.” People can judge all they want but unless you are that person you have no idea what is going on with them. Explaining to others that “I was able to do this so others can too if they act more responsible” is such a childish thing to say. It reminds me of when my sibilings got things that I never got and I would whine that “Why did I have to pay for this but they don’t have too?” Was it fair? Not neccessarily, but having things fair and having things equitable are two different things. The mature response is to be happy for the opportunites my brothers were able to get not to shame them or my parents.

This also applies to society. Just because you didnt’ get this chance does that mean everyone else should have to suffer? Progress does not happen if we were to say, “Well back in my day I had to drink at a separate water fountain so every other person should too.” That statement sounds ridiculous and though it’s an extreme it is also relevant to college debt crisis and other issues such as health care.

There is so more to a human than what appears at first glance. Humans are more than the mistakes they may have made. Sometimes, those mistakes are due to circumstance out of their control.

Life is a roll of the dice. Be grateful for the things you have and do not shun those who haven’t made the same progress as you.