It’s Time we start seeing each other “I 2 I.”

It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I had just finished my weekly long run when the song I 2 I came on my running playlist. Talk about nostalgia! Now if you don’t know this song, you probably haven’t seen The Goofy Movie or have forgotten it existed. (To listen to the song click here). I loved watching The Goofy Movie as a kid and it was probably my top 10 favorite Disney Movies of all time. The main point of the movie is Goofy wants to get closer to his teenage son Max, but being a teenager Max wants to do his own thing and is easily embarrassed by his Dad.

Now, I’m not sure why it took 27 years for me to finally get the point of the song I 2 I but it did. As a kid, I thought it was just a cool song to end the movie. I now realize how this song is about truly listening to understand to form connections such as one from a parent to a child during the teen years. The lyrics go, ” If we listen to each other’s heart, we find we’re never too far apart. And maybe love is the reason why, for the first time ever we’re seeing it eye to eye.” Throughout the movie, Goofy and Max are putting both of their individual needs before actually trying to understand where the other one if coming from. Goofy thinks the way to get Max to like him again is to smother him with attention and bond over a father son trip where Max just wants space and doesn’t realize how much his Dad misses hanging out with him.

As I listened to the lyrics, I realize how this song more than ever applies to our current situation in our world. It’s an election year, there’s a global pandemic and Black Lives Matter is awakening people to the social injustices of our country. Due to all of these things happening people have opinions and boy do people have opinions. My social media is mostly people sharing articles to make people aware of what’s going on as well as comments that state more or less “you’re wrong, I’m right.” Clearly, we as a nation are not seeing I 2 I.

I’m an empathetic person. It was one of my biggest strengths when I took a strength quest test in college but I also have opinions. It is hard to not look at someone’s opinion on social media that I do not agree with and not get angry or upset especially when it seems to me that there are obvious wrong and right answers here but that’s the thing, there are not always right or obvious answers. If you are truly using empathy, no matter how ridiculous you think someone’s ideas are you have to think about where they are coming from and why they think the way they do. Being truly empathetic requires you to look at all sides of a situation. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with a person, but it helps you better understand where they are coming from.

For example, person A may feel like we still need strict lock downs and person B wants to go on living life. If we actually listen to Person A we may realize that person A has someone sick at home and is afraid of bringing the virus home to their family member. Their fear is the idea that they could bring death literally into their home. However, person B has depression and being off of work has caused this to grow worse. Maybe person B needs socialization in order to get out of slump and zoom calls are just not cutting it. If we take the time to listen to both people, can we not come up with a compromise? Instead, we call person A a snowflake who doesn’t care about personal freedoms and the economy and we call person B a selfish person who doesn’t care about others. Sounds silly doesn’t it?

Instead of being empathetic, social media has become an avenue for shaming people and I am guilty of this as well. I get fired up about a topic and I want to shake the world’s head and scream “Why is this happening and why can’t you see this is wrong.” But this tactic is shame. According to the Oxford dictionary shame is defined as, “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” If you don’t believe people are at least attempting to shame people on social media read any comments from a local news station and you will see how grown adults act and argue like a toddler.

Posting about a topic that one is passionate about is fine and dandy but if that person comes off as condescending or pointing a finger at others, it’s not going to cause people to change. Instead it causes resentment, anger, or sadness to where they feel helpless on where to even start changing.

We think people should know better because the internet has so much information but remember we still live in a bubble even on the internet. Who we choose to follow, interact with, and even the pages we like all impact what we see. I can choose to look at someone who may post something I don’t agree with and think they are an idiot but does that actually help? If instead I take the time to ask why they think this and see where they are coming from I can get better insight on to why we think differently. Just a warning, these conversations are much better said in person and not on the internet where things can be easily misconstrued.

We’re living in a time where there’s a lot of tension and unknowns. If we listen with love and understanding instead of hate, I think we will find more solutions. Just like in The Goofy Movie, when Max and Goofy took time to understand each other they were able to build a better relationship and not fight as much. Disagreements are fine. It’s important that we don’t all think the same way but we need to learn on how to communicate effectively and to lead by love and not hate.

My Elementary Teachers Lied to Me

My elementary teachers lied to me. I remember learning about history in elementary school because it was mostly the same thing every single time. We started with Christopher Columbus and learned the cute little poem. I was told he was a hero and didn’t learn until junior year of high school that he did some shady things such as destroy a whole nation’s way of life, brought diseases, and captured local people just to name a few. As far as I know, my old school district still has Columbus day off.

After learning about the heroic efforts of Columbus, we dove into the world of the pilgrims. We were told how they left England due to religious persecution and were saved by Squanto from starvation because he happily helped them learn how to plant corn. This led us to Thanksgiving which made all of our young souls believe that the Native Americans (Who am I kidding? We used the term Indians because our school’s mascot was indeed an Indian) and the pilgrims were the best of friends. We got to dress up as either an Indian or a pilgrim and then go down to the cafeteria and eat random Thanksgiving foods on the floor in our “costumes.” Not going to lie, I loved this part of the school year. I loved decorating a paper headband and adding feathers to it to play the role of an “Indian”. Pocahontas was one of my favorite Disney movies and I wanted to be her. Yet, to my knowledge I have not one ounce of Native American blood in me. Knowing what I know now about cultural appropriation and how the relationship between the white settlers and the Native Americans were not all roses and rainbows, these innocent elementary activities make me cringe. I know my teachers had good intent. I am not sure the resources were out there like they are today for multicultural teaching. This is why it’s important to be open to learn more since there are more resources.

My first year of teaching I taught in Parker, Arizona. Parker is home to the Colorado River Indian Tribes. I learned so much more by just living there about Native American culture than I ever did in school. During my time teaching there, they celebrated CRIT Native American Days which falls in the beginning of October. It would be cool to see a shift of celebrating Columbus Day to teaching more about Native Americans. There is National Native American Day celebrated on the 2nd Monday in October and recognized by California and South Dakota. Hopefully, more states and eventually the country as a whole will recognize this day instead of Columbus Day.

The other history topic that I remember hearing over and over again in elementary school was Civil Rights. This happened usually around Martin Luther King Day. We would listen to his iconic “I Have a Dream” speech and fill out something about our dreams for the future. We talked about segregation and people like Rosa Parks and Ruby Bridges. My teachers did talk about the different schools, bathrooms, water fountains, and the peaceful protests during the Civil Rights Era but as a child it seemed that as soon as we got to the part where Dr. King was eventually shot, that ended everything. We moved on and it gave the impression that everything was OK. He was shot but people learned to be better and his dream was completed. America was the perfect country that loved its native people, ended slavery, and defeated racism and segregation. This was a lie. My teachers lied to me.

I respect my past teachers. They were great and I had a good education. I know times have changed and the idea of teaching racism in a small town community to elementary kids would be tough. I am sure it was frowned upon to even get into such topics and they wanted us to see love, not hate. Times have changed and there are more resources to teach young kids about different cultures in a way that’s respectful and dignified. Edutopia, Ted Talks, and Teaching Tolerance are just a few great resources for educators to talk about difficult topics. The internet was just starting to get big when I was in elementary school so I am grateful for resources that are at our fingertips today.

It wasn’t until college, that I learned our country was not perfect. I did have a high school history teacher who didn’t sugar coat things, but I still thought racism was over. I went to a predominately white high school. It seemed like there was no racism because there was no diversity and we knew nothing different. The only thing I knew about other cultures and races were what was shown on TV and unfortunately the city next to my small town had a lot of systematic racism which was portrayed on the media as black on black crime and gang violence. The city was very much divided and even as an ignorant kid I could see that. You didn’t stop on the West Side and avoided it at all cost.

Growing up, my Dad did a great job trying to expose us to different communities in the area. When we would drive to my grandparents’ house on the east side of the city he would purposely drive through the west side neighborhoods and down town. He often stopped at gas stations and grocery stores that were in “sketchy” areas. This often made me cry and scream that he was going to get us killed. I’m 27 and still alive today so obviously we were safe. At the time, I thought my Dad was being selfish making us drive in “not safe” areas of the city but now I realize his intentions were to make us see the good in the area and to destroy the negative images we had and replace them with truth from first hand experiences.

As a college student, I learned terms that I had never heard before in my life. Systematic racism, white privilege, racial profiling, ageism, and ableism were just a few terms that were brand new to me. As I learned these terms and read more about equity and equality I realized how broken our country is. Once I discovered the truth, I couldn’t hide in my ignorance any longer.

Here’s the thing, I didn’t realize half of what I didn’t know about racism and injustice in our country because I was ignorant. If I didn’t go to college and teach in some of the places I’ve taught I would have no idea the inequalities and broken social structures we have in place. I still have a white wash mind, I am trying to become more open minded and fix the things I have been taught but that doesn’t happen over night. It takes life experiences, learning through books or podcasts written by people of color, and listening to those who are oppressed and actually hearing them. I know not everyone has had these experiences and it’s OK. We can grow and learn everyday. It’s not too late.

It’s our job as white people to teach our people. Not all of our family, friends, and neighbors are aware of the racism, hate, and systematic oppression because they live in a bubble. I loved most of my teachers growing up, but I was taught a white washed view of history and had to learn to change my perspective on many topics. I don’t blame my past educators because maybe they didn’t know better, but if you know better it’s your job to be a voice of truth. As an educator, my mission is to not sugar coat things but to appropriately tell my students things are not roses and rainbows and we can and must do better. Civil Rights did not end with Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks and we have so much more to do and learn.

I am not done learning. I will never be done learning. As our country currently engages in protests for the black community do not think that when this is over it is done. There is a lot of work to be done to fight racism and it will not happen over night. Think also of our people who are Latino, Muslim, and Chinese just to name a few. These groups are also experiencing constant hate from ignorance and lack of understanding of their culture. There is so much more to know and to learn. The best ways to becomes less ignorant is to read about different cultures, learn about white privilege, travel, and engage in conversation with people who are different from you.

Let’s stop lying to ourselves. We can do better.

10 Things that are Helping me Deal with Covid 19

Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot and I’m sure I’m not alone. It is normal to struggle because things aren’t normal. We’re dealing with a global crisis which many of us have never experienced. Below is a list of 10 things I have found have helped me and might be beneficial to others as well.

1. Contact Family and friends often

Even though we can no longer see each other in person, I have found that I’m reaching out to my family and friends more often that before the pandemic. I have made use of Snap chat, Marco Polo, Zoom, and phone calls. This always makes me feel better and it’s a nice break from isolation. Just think if you’re missing your loved ones they’re probably missing you too, so reach out. : )

2. Turn off the news and stop reading updates constantly

The first week when things went from “we got this under control” to “everything needs to shut down now” I was constantly looking at news updates. The information quickly overwhelmed me and it seemed like everyone and their mother was posting updates. Things were changing by the minute and even now things continue to change daily. There was no way my poor anxiety could handle all of the changes. I finally decided to limit my time on social media and not watch the news as much. I started unfollowing people on my social media who were being overly negative. I understand COVID 19 needs to be taken very seriously, but all of the negativity and abundance of information was causing my head to spin. Life has been a lot better since I started setting limits of my exposure to news.

3. Set Boundaries

Just like setting limits on the news, you might want to consider setting other boundaries. Many people are now working from home so it’s good to be able to differentiate between when is “work time” vs when is “family time” vs. “me time.” This is especially important if you have children who also need support with school and navigating through what’s going on with the world. If you have flexibility with your work schedule, maybe take more breaks throughout the day. It’s important to be mindful of when you need a break. Self care is extremely important, especially during this time.

4. Make a schedule and set goals, but don’t feel bad if you don’t accomplish them

Schedules are important. Some people might need to write out their whole day, others might just want to make a list of things they want to get done. I think it’s important to try and maintain a consistency in your life. I know this may be hard for some people, but it can make a difference and helps me still find purpose in my day . Goals are exciting because it keeps you motivated. Maybe you have a goal to learn a new hobby or skill? The big thing with goals is don’t get angry or upset if you don’t finish them. I had a goal since March to clean out our guest bedroom and I never touched it until the beginning of April. Things that are not necessary to your health will get done when they need to. Don’t stress about little things.

5. Calm your mind

I don’t know about you, but my mind will often race at night. I will be fine all day but then just as I’m about to go to bed, all of the things that have been stressing me out comes rushing into my brain. I have started using Down Dog which is an awesome personalized Yoga App. It’s been super helpful to get in a better state of mind and just take time to stretch. I’m also trying to not look at my phone an hour before bed to prevent seeing any negative news before trying to sleep. Calm and Headspace are also great Apps for stressful times and meditation.

6. Play a game

The best thing about being in quarantine is things that you’ve never had time for can come back such as playing games. My husband and I have invested in a Nintendo Switch so we can play video games together that we both enjoy. It’s a nice way to spend some time and to get away from reality. I feel like the only time I ever played games before was at family holiday parties, so it’s nice to have an excuse to bust out some old board and card games.

7. Exercise the mind and body

Even though I am still teaching from home, I am not putting out as much energy as I use to during a typical school day. I find if I don’t exercise or do something to challenge my brain, it’s harder to fall asleep at night. Puzzles, crosswords, Sudoku, and other mind challenges can help your brain use some energy if you feel like you’re not getting enough use of it during the day. Taking time to go for walks, run, bike, or home workouts can also help release endorphins to make your body and brain happy.

8. Don’t compare yourself to others

This is just a life rule in general, but don’t feel bad if you aren’t making gourmet meals every night like your neighbor Susie or if you’re not learning a new language like your cousin Fred. Everyone is dealing with this situation differently and if take out and Netflix is how you need to deal with COVID 19, than you do you.

9. Don’t feel guilty about others, but empathize

My husband and I are suppose to go on our Honeymoon in July but I feel like I can’t even be sad if it gets cancelled because I know so many people who are in fear of having to cancel or postpone their wedding. Since I have had lots of time to overthink, I started to feel bad about everything. I feel bad for seniors who are missing momentous occasions such as prom, sporting events, and graduation. I feel bad for those who have loved ones in the hospital that they can’t visit. I feel bad for still having a paycheck when others are off of work. I could continue this list of guilt for days but I realize I can’t feel guilty about all of these things, or I will go insane. Feeling guilty about things that you have that others don’t is just added stress. I have no control over a pandemic but I can reach out and be helpful to those who need it. Which brings me to my last point….

10. Make a list of things you can control

There are times I feel useless. It seems like every day there’s another thing to add to the list of bad things happening in the world. I have found it’s helpful to make a list of things I can control or positive things. Making a list of things you can control brings back a sense of independence from a situation that has us so dependent on political figures, media, and other people. It then makes me feel less guilty when I can rationalize to myself there are simply things I cannot prevent. It is important to realize these things to gain back control in your life that seems out of control.

This time we’re living in is difficult and your feelings are valid. Remember, you are enough and you’re doing great.

What Side of History do you want to be On?

What side of history do you want to be on? I have asked this question to my 5th grade class numerous times this school year. In 5th grade, we have dived deep into some heavy topics such as Revolutionary War, World War II, the Cold War, and before COVID19 hit we had just finished reading Through My Eyes, a memoir by Ruby Bridges.

Now if you have not read Through My Eyes, it’s an excellent story from Ruby’s own voice of what it was like to be a young black girl going to an all white school in the south. The words themselves are great to read, but the thing that struck my class and me the most are the pictures. This book has photographs of Ruby heading into the school escorted by US Marshalls while white people, mostly white mothers, are screaming and protesting that this young girl be taken away and to never let her set foot into their school. She was spat on, threatened, and there was even a picture of someone holding a black doll in a casket. This was her reality. A reality that today we look at as shameful and horrid. How could people do this to an innocent 6 year old girl? The pictures do not lie. The people in them appear hateful, racists, and evil.

Now as many 10 and 11 year old would, they questioned why did people do this? How could they? Are these people evil? I explained they are definitely not on the right side of history, but did they know better?

We talked about the culture of the south and the history of slavery. Slavery wasn’t that long ago and some people’s attitudes towards African Americans were not going to change over night, especially if their parents raised them to hate and they raised their own children that way as so on and so forth. It’s a cycle. A cycle that lives on today and if someone doesn’t change their mind they will continue to preach hate and think they are not wrong. I told them it’s easy to judge these people and the photos hold the truth, but what would be really interesting is to see if any of those people in those photos became aware of how horrible their actions were towards Ruby and other African Americans.

Personally, I applaud the people who change and become self aware of how their thoughts and actions might impact others. There was a lot of evil and hate in the photographs of Through my Eyes but I do not doubt someone from those photos realized the mistakes they had make. Can you imagine how hard that might be? If your whole life you had beliefs that were taught to you from a young age, could you change them?

I’m from the North. All throughout my schooling I learned how awful the south was and we were the “good guys” during the Civil War and in the Civil Rights Era. I was raised to treat all people with respect no matter what they looked like. My parents’ values and some of the school’s values became my own and it wasn’t until college, that I was able to make my own values and shape my own understanding of the world, piece by piece and I’m still not done figuring out my values, morals, and beliefs.

If my parents taught me that skin color matters and not to respect people would I still have my current values and beliefs? If my school preached segregation would I believe in integration? I always think back to church. I have nothing but respect for people who convert to Catholicism on their own. There was a few people I knew in college who did it for themselves and not even because they were marrying another Catholic. I can’t honestly say if I would be a Catholic on my own. I’m Catholic because my parents raised me that way, not because I chose this on my own account. Sure, I still practice Catholicism and attend church. I even recently got married in the Catholic church because it was an expectation. It’s familiar and I, like many others, appreciate familiarity. Change is hard.

It’s easy to judge, especially in today’s world when life is so chaotic and information is so easy to access. I fear that because information is so easy to get, we think people need to be able to change and become molded to fit our ideals. At times my social media is nothing but people bashing each other. I get it. I don’t understand a lot of things either, but there’s always two sides to a coin.

The United States went into a panic when COVID19 became a reality and not just some disease halfway across the globe. People started to gather supplies and hoard things. This resulted in grocery stores becoming bare and essential items nonexistent. People were angry about such greediness.

I was also angry about the lack of supplies and people taking way more than necessary but when I heard the news of these empty grocery stores, the first thing I told my husband was we needed to get to the store. Did we really need groceries? No, in fact we would have been fine for a few days, but my instincts told me to get things before everything was gone. It became a competition of who could find toilet paper and pasta.

You see most people’s first thoughts were not to go help other people. It was to fend for your family and yourself. We criticize the masses, but gosh I was not the first to think of other people. It wasn’t until I saw all the posts about helping the elderly that I realized my mistake.

It was then that I saw the beauty of this Pandemic. People started to help each other out. People volunteered to make masks, feed students and hospital workers, and pick up items for others who were at the most risk. Teachers started organizing parades and some companies still found a way to pay their employees.

The big buzz word of 2020 is social distancing. We shake our heads at the people we see still gathered in groups but again do they know better? Do they have parents at home to tell them to not go out? I get most of my “Don’t leave the house” information from Facebook. Do they have social media and if they do, do their friends post this information or is it just funny memes and tiktok videos? Do they even have internet access? How are some of our most vulnerable, such as our homeless population getting this information without libraries and other resources? Do we just shake our head and write a post about social distancing or do we inform and help?

This pandemic hasn’t been easy. Half of my family is in the at risk category, including myself. I worry about them and get teary eyed when people suggest we should just continue on with our lives and worry more about the economy than lives.

Yet, maybe these are some of the people who are out of work and aren’t getting paid at this time? They need the economy back to normal in order to thrive. This makes it a little more understandable.

The problem always boils down to what we know and our experiences. If you have no connection to what’s going on it’s going to be hard to empathize. I didn’t empathize with China at first. I literally thought, “Gee that sucks but it’s not my problem.” We need to change our mindset to value all human life. Maybe this is what this virus is trying to teach us? When bad things happen, it’s not just one person or country’s problem it’s all of our problems. However, we can’t just complain at what people are doing or not doing. We have to inform, teach, and reach out, from 6 feet away of course.

I realize not everyone can do this. For some people sitting at home is all they should be asked to do during this time, but some people might have the energy to do more, only they can decide that.

With COVID19, I didn’t realize my students were already going to have to ask themselves “What side of history do I want to be on?” We can’t change the virus but we can control our actions, our thoughts, and our words. Take time to reflect during this time, be the thread not the scissors that cuts us apart.

The Otherside: A Poem

The Otherside

is neccessary to know,

To connect with others

To feel, love, and grow.

But once I took that first sip of knowledge,

I was no longer ignorant to pain, struggle, and sorrow.

It was suffocating,

Knowing I can no longer ignore it

And just foget about it tomorrow.

As I try live a life to the best of my ability,

Trying to advocate for the poor, sick, and those with a disability.

The knowledge of knowing their pain,

crushes me with guilt,

and makes my anxiety grow insane.

It would be easier to pretend,

That those stories are far away across the sea,

But I know different,

And it crushes me.

It can’t be ignored,

Not when wealth stares into my eyes,

While down the road,

An 11 year old sells coke to survive.

I have realized the starting line has never been equal,

And it favors some for no rhyme or reason,

This exploiting of the wealthy,

Is not me trying to start a treason.

But to those who shout on Sunday,

“Lord let me help my neighbor!”

I beg you to live out those words,

And do someone a favor.

When I visit the schools,

The hood, the shops,

It made me aware of the culture,

Understood the fear of cops.

I talked to the people,

heard their stories,

their truths.

It was not always easy to

not fear or judge,

or become aloof.

But this I tell myself everyday,

Ignorance and fear will destroy us,

But by bridging the gap,

understanding the problems they mention,

empathy will restore human connection.

A Reflection of 2018: Family, Love, Travel

The past few years I have been anxiously awaiting the next year because those years were either disappointing or uneventful. 2018 I am pleased to say was different. 2018 was not easy, there was heartache and struggle but also love and adventure. Here are the few things that really impacted my 2018.

Family

Family is the biggest blessing I have and continued to have in my life. It is the thing that keeps me going on my weakest days. This year even though my family is now all separated by distance, we were still able to bond and be there for each other. In March, we all came together to watch and cheer on the twins’ basketball team get 2nd at the state tournament. . In April, we stood in solidarity as we said good bye to our beloved Papa and supported each other through tears and shared memories. In May, we watched the last of the Fab 5 graduate high school and celebrated with friend’s and family. The holidays were not the same as we were never all together, but we can reflect and laugh at past memories as we make new ones in the years to come.

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Travel

After moving from Arizona in 2016, I had not traveled much which made me antsy and in 2018 the travel bug hit me hard. Troy and I were able to visit his mom in Florida during spring break. It was a fabulous time of sun, sand, waves, and relaxation.

During the month of July, I traveled to Tanzania which was probably the craziest most beautiful adventure I have ever done. The people I traveled with and the locals we met were some of the greatest most genuine human beings. I climbed mountains, danced with local school children, went on a safari, learned about a different culture, and played in the waves of the Indian Ocean. I learned to step out of my comfort zone and became less ignorant about the world. I know it can be expensive to travel but I encourage everyone to travel even if it’s just exploring a new town or city. We grow and become better people when we leave the comfort’s of our home.

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Running

2018 was the first year since high school that I really took running seriously again. I had only done one race a year until this year. In 2018 I ran 3 5ks, a 10 mile race, 6 mile leg in a relay, and a half marathon. Even though my last race of the year didn’t go as I planned and I didn’t make any PRs I am still happy I raced more than I previously had in recent years. In 2019, I am running my first marathon and hope to continue to get stronger mentally and physically.

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Started Writing Again

WordPress informed me today that I have been a member for one year. Even though I don’t write on here nearly as much as I would like, I am just so happy I started writing again for myself and sharing my writing with others. My goal since I was a little girl was to become a writer. I know I have a long way to go and need to get serious about my dreams but at least I started. I hope I continue to write, share ideas, and bring people together though writing.

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Love

One of the best things that has happened in 2018 was becoming engaged to Troy. I never thought another human could make me so happy but he is definitely my person. I’m constantly stressed and overwhelmed, but this man is always there to help me pick up my pieces. He supports me on all my runs, crazy adventures, and encourages me to achieve all my goals. Even though we don’t like any of the same sporting teams, we still make a great team. Here’s to wedding planning and becoming Mrs. Gaul in 2019.

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I just want to end this sappy reflection post by saying thank you to all the people who have been reading this blog the last year. It has truly made my year to know I have people who support me and this blog. Overall, 2018 was a pretty damn good year. 2019 is going to be another year of change, new beginnings, and hopefully achieving goals.