It’s OK to Not Be OK

Almost a year ago, I was able to spend some needed time with my family who has recently been separated by distance. We were all reunited to cheer on our younger brothers’ basketball team to a regional victory. We are close. Despite all of us going down different paths we all are connected and support each other. My brothers are my best friends and almost a year ago I blame myself for almost ruining my family.

Almost a year ago, the weather was not grand but by no means a winter storm. After a celebration meal, we said good bye to our parents and youngest siblings and left to head back to Iowa. I was driving two of my brothers and the one’s girlfriend. The weathermen would say it was a light winter mix and the interstate was clear. It seemed like we were going to be fine. I was wrong.

We were 15 minutes away from my apartment when I started to slide on the bridge crossing into Iowa from Illinois. I am a paranoid and cautious driver so when the unexpected slide happened it took me awhile to process everything. The first slide I was able to gain control but then I started sliding a second time veering into the side of the bridge. My blue impala was being tossed back and forth and I had lost complete control. Eventually one of the hits to the impala caused it to spin around facing oncoming traffic and finally causing a stop to the vehicle. We barely had time to catch our breaths when we saw it. A semi was sliding toward us losing control just like we had done seconds ago. In my mind, all I could think of is this is how it ends.

The semi driver tried to avoid us but the truck of the semi slammed into the side of my car until the driver was able to head into a ditch. By some miracle, we were able to all evacuate the car in one piece. We were tossed around like a salad but left the scene with only cuts and bruises.

It truly was an act of God that kept us safe. Not many people can say they were hit by a semi and left the scene with only bruises. Physically, I was fine. Physically, I was able to live my life like the accident never happened. Everyone saw that I was physically alright so they told me not to worry anymore and count my blessing. One person even said I should just be thankful and not worry anymore.

No one asked about how I felt mentally. I told everyone I was OK because what right did I have to complain when everything turned out “fine?” But I was not OK. I was anything but OK. The week after the accident I cried every night before going to bed. When I tried to sleep all I saw was the semi coming at my family. I kept thinking that I was the oldest sibling and I could have caused the death of my mother’s children. I have always been third in charge of taking care of my younger brothers after my parents and the night of the accident I failed as the oldest. Not only was I in charge of my brothers’ lives but my brother’s girlfriend was in the car whom I barely knew at the time and I put her life in danger as well.

The accident happened at the end of winter which meant I didn’t have to worry about snow until the following year. However, every time I have to drive a long distance I make myself sick with worry. Bridges make me vomit, semis make me cringe, and the thought of driving in any snow makes my mind go into a mental panic. This winter there has been a few fatal snow related accidents and I can’t help but think why did they die and I was saved? Why am I so lucky yet still become sick with worry when it all turned out “OK”.

It took me awhile but I finally realized it was OK that I wasn’t OK. What happened to me was a freak of nature accident and it is natural to have some mental scars. Even after a year, I am still not mentally healthy from the accident and that’s OK. I feel in today’s world we are told to grin and pretend everything is fine but it is important to have trusted people in your life where you can confide things that are bothering you. When we hold back the stresses in our lives it builds up until we can’t take it anymore. I am all for overcoming obstacles but having people to help you through these obstacles makes the journey a lot easier. So when someone asks you, “are you OK?” don’t be afraid to let them know the truth because it is OK to not be OK.

Are You the Bully, the Defender, or Bystander?

In college, we spent a whole day in class talking about bullying. There is a thing called the Bullying Cycle. The cycle explains different people involved in bullying. There is the bully, the victim, henchmen, defenders, and the passive onlookers. The professor asked who is the worst person in this scenario? Many people think it is the bully or the henchmen but in fact it is the people who watch from afar and refuse to acknowledge the problem. You see, if people spoke up instead of watch, the bully loses power and becomes a fool. Bullies feed off of attention and fear but when the role is reversed they are put in their place and becomes powerless. The person who ignores the problem is just as much of a bully as the person who does the actual bullying because they allow it to happen.

This hit hard for me. When I was in high school, I watched so many times as one student in particular got bullied almost daily. It wasn’t always to their face but I realize now when I heard the jokes in silence I was feeding the fuel because I made it seem like it was OK for that person to be the subject of all the jokes. This is my biggest regret in high school. I did not have the courage to speak up for my classmate because I did not want to become the target. I realize now because I did not speak up I was also a bully.

Now as I watch the news and read articles I see the bully cycle all over outside of the school day. Are we to sit in silence and watch as certain people bully their way into power? We watch as people make excuses into why things are happening and how it is not their problem because they have bigger problems to worry about. Who is to decide what is a problem and what can be ignored? If we are aware of an issue and do not speak up for it we are as much as to blame as those who are in power.

“Our lives begin to end the day we decide to become silent about things that matter,” Martin Luther King Jr.

It is your choice. Are you going to be the bystander or are you going to be the defender?

Exposure-The Key to Fight Ignorance

I was in third grade when 9/11 happened. I remember coming home and seeing the footage of the planes crashing into the towers and being confused by what was happening. That imaged is stuck in my mind as I’m sure it is for many others. The other image that is stuck in my mind is the news constantly showing people who were part of al-Qaeda. The first day of my life that I was ever really exposed to a group of people from the Middle East was also the first day that I learned the word terrorists. So naturally, as a third grader I had the mindset that anyone who looked like the people on TV was a terrorists because no one had taught me different. My teacher did a good job explaining why it happened as much as she could but no one taught me anything about the Middle East. Even when I was in high school no teacher really taught about Islam or that al-Qaeda was a small section of Islam just like the KKK is a small section of Christianity.

Flash forward to my first job at college which was working at the campus coffee shop. My college had a large group of students from Saudi Arabia but when I saw them I assumed they were all from Iran, Iraq, or Afghanistan because they were the only countries I knew from that region due to the negative attention they got in the media. My first interaction with a Saudi Arabian student was a woman in a burqa ordering a latte and I was so nervous I gave her too much change back. I had never seen a woman in the flesh completely covered head to toe with just her eyes showing except on T.V. I instantly felt horrible for her. Why did her religion make her do such a thing? I didn’t understand because I was ignorant and knew nothing about culturally responsiveness at the time.

As I continued to work on campus, I interacted with more Saudi Arabian students and guess what? They were human just like myself. A lot of them were funny and would make jokes whenever they saw me. Eventually, I applied to be a conversation partner where I met with an international student to help them work on their English. Through that program, they had different events where people came to listen to other people talk about their culture. The night I attended, a young man from Saudi Arabia spoke up being Muslim. He explained that it was the religion of peace and how hard it was to explain to people that it was more than just what they saw in the media. Through that experience, I realized how little I truly knew about the world and how much I had to learn.

What I’m trying to convey, is that it shouldn’t have taken until I was in college to learn about different countries in the Middle East and the Islamic Religion. I carried a strong bias with me for 10 years and if I had not attended college I would still be carrying that bias. I was forced to interact with a different culture because of my job at the college and if I didn’t have that exposure I would still be ignorant.

When I taught kindergarten in Arizona I saw how my young students interacted with each other and they did not see color. I had students who were Native American, Hispanic, African American, and Caucasian all play together in harmony. Sure, they tattled, fought, and played a little too rough sometimes but they did not judge each other based on their culture because that was all they knew. It was truly a beautiful experience to see no bias in that classroom.

Now, I know for many people they are not as fortunate to grow up in such a diverse population. Unless you live in a large Urban area you may not see many people who are that different from yourself. However, there are amazing books out there even for small children that encourages learning about other cultures and I hope more people explore those resources.

As educators, parents, and humans in general we should try and challenge ourselves to learn more about people who are different from us to defeat cultural bias. The earlier we expose children to people who come from different places the more likely we will have a generation who shows love, empathy, and understanding rather than ignorance, bias, and hate.

Why Not?

Anyone who has ever graduated college will have heard praises of “Congrats grad! Way to go! You did it!” It’s all fun and filled with merriment until people start getting to the most daunting questions ever.

“So what’s next? Do you have a job? Where are you planning on staying? Oh no job? Have you applied to this? Have you looked here? I’m sure something will come along.”

Maybe you were one of the lucky ones. The lucky graduates who have had a job offer since March and only had to wait until they crossed the stage to be an official employed adult. Or you were like me and had to be blunt with Great Aunt Dorthy that no you didn’t have a job and frankly you had no idea what the hell you were going to do after getting that shiny new diploma and were praying to every God in the universe that you would find some job before those nasty student loans kicked in.

Lucky for me, I graduated with my teaching degree so I at least knew I was going to be a teacher. My goal was to get a job close to my family. Ideally, close enough I could live with a family member and save some money.

What ended up happening was the complete opposite of close to home. A few months before graduation, I attended my college’s job fair. My cooperating teacher told me to interview as much as I could for the experience and I did. This job fair was huge. Not only were there schools from all over Iowa, there were schools from all over the country. I was about to leave the job fair, after talking to a dozen or so schools, when I was stopped by a man asking me if I ever thought about teaching in Arizona. In my mind, I had no desire to move across the county especially to Arizona, but I wanted interview practice so I agree to interview for a job in Parker, Arizona.

I left the job fair feeling hopeful and more confident about the job hunt. When friends and family asked about the job fair I always joked that I interviewed with a school in Arizona but always reassured them it was for interview practice. I actually heard back from Arizona before graduation via email about a third or fourth grade job but it was easy to ignore because I hadn’t even graduated yet. I was thinking there was no way I was going to take a job out there and settle right away.

Graduation came and went and towards the end of May I was getting anxious. I was tired of getting asked questions about the job search. Even though I still had plenty of time before the school year started I was feeling restless from applying to various jobs, interviewing, and hearing nothing. One day I got a random call from Arizona. I thought it was funny because I had told the principal I was not interested in moving out there but this time it was from the primary school principal. She was such a nice lady on the phone and I wanted more interview practice so I agreed to another interview over the phone. After the interview for a kindergarten job, a grade level I swore I would never teach, I got a call within the week asking if I would accept this job offer. This time I was not confident in what I wanted to do. I had one week to make my decision and so the pro and con lists started.

Talking to my family, I had mixed reviews. My Dad couldn’t decide what he thought. I knew he was scared out of his mind of me moving so far from home and my Mom always says the same thing when it comes to advice which is “it’s up to you,” which of course is super helpful advice when you have no idea what you want to do. Time was ticking and I still had no decision.

One beautiful summer evening I was at my good friend’s house sitting by a fire with her mom and her mom’s friend. The job in Arizona came up and her mom’s friend looked at me with all seriousness and simply asked, “Why not?”

Those two simple words have changed my life. No one had ever asked me, why not? Why not move across the country and explore a new area I’ve never even heard of before? Why not have new experiences, meet new people, and immerse myself in a culture that I’ve only ever read about in social studies textbooks? When it came down to it I had nothing holding me back. I was single, young, and really was clueless into what I wanted in life. I could always move back. Why not give it a year and see where this crazy thing called life takes me?

In the end, I accepted the job as a kindergarten teacher in Parker, Arizona. In early July, I packed my car with my clothes and drove across the country knowing no one and having no idea what I was getting myself into. I only made it a year in Arizona but I regret nothing. Moving across the country and living in a complete different place from where I grew up challenged me but also made me a better person. I met so many amazing people and had the opportunity to teach a group of wonderful, unique, and inspiring children. This move gave me confidence and a true sense of independence. If I had never moved and never asked myself “what if?” I would not have the courage to travel to Tanzania this summer.

Life is short and the best parts are those moments when we take that leap of faith. Why not move away, take a new job, travel, start a business, learn a new language, or even jump out of that airplane? Do what makes you happy. Become a person that does something, not just talks about it.

Yes, change is scary. It was not easy moving to Arizona. I had some moments that really pushed me mentally and emotionally but I also had some of the best days of my life out there. Nothing worth it in life is an easy choice. The most amazing moments are the ones that tests our strength. So the next time you have an opportunity don’t let it slip by making you think “what if?” Instead, I urge you to go for it and ask why not?

Why did I decide to “bee” an educator?

If you majored in education or had interviews for a teaching position you most likely had to reflect at some point on why you wanted to be a teacher. I’m sure other jobs out there also have similar reflective questions their future employers ask of them but for some reason education jobs really dig into the question “why do you want to work with kids?”

For most people, this question is fairly simple. Many people state they always loved working with children or they knew from a young age they wanted to teach. They even played school with their dolls and stuffed animals. It’s the only job they’ve ever dreamed of and here they are fulfilling their dreams. You go person you!

But for me it was not an easy decision. As a 3rd grader, I was determined that I would be a writer or work with books. Until high school, I spent more time with books than I did with humans which I was perfectly happy with my lifestyle. My senior year of high school I started to overthink, a problem which I excel at in life, and knew going to college for writing was probably not the smartest thing. I’ve always wanted a job where I could help people but blood and guts makes me throw up so there was no way I would join my mom in the medical field. (Kudos to all you doctors and nurses out there!)

So at that moment I decided I could go into teaching which would still give me the opportunity to write in the summer. I even told my creative writing teacher this plan. He laughed and said something along the lines of that’s what he thought he too but summer is just never enough time. He was right of course, as I have yet to ever start any writing project in the summer, but I was determined. I’ve always had the tendency of wanting to prove people wrong so I brushed that conversation off and started convincing myself going into education was the right thing to do.

The other motivation behind going into teaching was the money. No I don’t mean the salary, because that’s the oldest joke of the century, but there was scholarship money out there for education. I was a pretty decent student because of my work ethic. I never excelled in any one thing in particular, but I had determination which gave me good grades but didn’t give me an awesome ACT score. Because of this, I was not able to get a stellar scholarship to go to a 4 year university right away but with teaching I had more opportunities to get financial support. Yes, I could have gone to the local community college for two years. Sometimes I wonder how different my career path would be if I would have done that but I felt like I had a point to prove. My whole life people told me I would stay home and pretty much never leave because being a quiet person apparently means you don’t like to do anything adventurous…..So I was determined to prove people wrong and leave town as soon as I got the opportunity.

So I said audios to my small town to go to college at the University of Northern Iowa which ended up being one of the best decisions of my life. I declared my major as soon as I could because I had a plan and I was going to stick to it. However, I found myself questioning if I really wanted to be a teacher. Many people, including teachers I had growing up, told me not to go into education but again I have a habit of wanting to prove people wrong. I ignored them and just assumed they were old and ready to retire.

During the summer after my 2nd year of college, I was still unsure if I was doing the right thing. I had just kicked butt in my political science class which was taught by this bad ass lady who was head of the political science department. She was tough, her class was way harder than it needed to be for an intro class, but she made me think which I appreciated. She even complimented me on my final essay which I hung proudly on my dorm fridge for the rest of that year. For some reason, that summer I read over 10 books about lawyers or law and was starting to convince myself to change my major to pre-law and political science.

I’m a big believer in “signs” and everything happens for a reason so I truly started to question if being a teacher was really worth it. I had even heard from some family members that I was wasting my talents. I wasn’t even a teacher yet, and I was already feeling disrespect and under appreciated. It was depressing to say the least and as mentioned before I overthink….a lot and this was not a good time to be an overthinker.

Upon returning to UNI, I decided to stick to my major. I was taking professional development classes with one professor that would last all year. It was a good opportunity because we had a partnership with a local elementary school which gave me more field experiences. These classes, or I should say this professor, changed my thinking about education for good. In fact, if it wasn’t for Dr. Montgomery I would have changed my major. She was the first person that really started to open my eyes to the injustices in the world and how education is one of the keys to help solve those injustices. Dr. Montgomery ignited a fire within my soul that finally gave me a passion for not just education but for my personal life mission. I found my purpose. I knew I couldn’t change the world but I could educate and help give children the opportunity to make a difference in their lives. I’ve always been a quiet leader, person who leads by example not demands, and with teaching I found my niche in leadership.

So when I get asked the golden question of why I am a teacher I always bring up social justice. The world is not as perfect as I thought when I was a child in my backyard. Our education system is not fair and in order to be successful in life people need to be educated. This doesn’t mean a person needs to attend college but the ability to think, write, and create is something that is vital in life especially when we live in a democratic society. My goal in teaching is not to move mountains but to plant seeds. Maybe those seeds don’t grow overnight. However, with the right environment those seeds can sprout into flowers and trees and that gives me hope. This hope is why I teach.

My First Out of the Box Experience

When I was a kid, like many young children, I thought my world consisted of my family and fellow neighborhood buddies. I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where a family could let their kids roam all day in the summer and not have a worry in the world that they wouldn’t be home for supper. I was blessed. At the time, I thought everyone lived in a world like mine. Life was perfect and safe.

However, outside of my small town there was a city not even 10 miles away that didn’t have the same perfect feel. I knew that area was poor even before I really knew what poor was. Everytime my family went to visit my Nana and Papa we drove through the “bad part of town” where the buildings were abandoned, cars were rusted, and people roamed the streets in groups often yelling at each other outside of gas stations. I was never taught this part of town was “bad” I just knew it was different from where I grew up and it scared me.

One day, as my Dad was driving through the town to get to my grandparents he turned a different way. At this point in my life, I had started hearing adults say if you go to the rough part of town you were more likely to get shot. This is a scary concept for a child when trusted adults are telling you a certain area is essentially a “shooting zone”. When my Dad purposely started driving to the area where even adults were scared of I was of course freaking out. I started screaming, “Dad, you can’t go this way. It’s where the “bad” people live.”

My Dad shook his head at me. “Larissa, just because the area isn’t as nice does not mean the people are bad.” He proceeded to pull into a parking lot of what was I later found out was the projects.

My Dad put the car in park and looked over at me. “Do you see that little boy and mom over there playing? Doesn’t that remind you of your brothers and mom?” I nodded still not happy that I was stuck in a car in the bad part of town but noticing the boy and mother did start to calm me down a bit. My Dad continued to point outside,”Do you see that elderly couple walking together? Doesn’t that look like something your Nana and Papa would do?” I nodded again at this point starting to figure things out.

“These people are just like you and me, Larissa. They might not live in as nice of a house or can afford a car but they are people. It is important that you know that they are not much different from us besides their current circumstances.”

“But Dad, why do people in town think this place is bad if they are just like us?” I asked confused to why my Dad was telling me one thing and other people were saying something different.

“People are afraid of what they do not understand. Many people where we live have not even ventured to where you are right now because they are afraid. They only know what the news tells them and often the news points out the bad more than the good. It is up to people to be brave and understand others in order to help people not be afraid. I took you here because I want you to have understanding. I want you to not be afraid. Yes, there are bad things that can happen but bad things can happen anywhere and we should be working as a community to help stop those bad things from happening,” with that my Dad started the car and we continued on our way to see my grandparents.

Going to the projects and having my Dad explain why people were afraid of certain areas has impacted me more than my Dad originally thought. He gave me my first time seeing something different from my personal experiences. It was the first time I ever truly thought about the lives of other people outside of my family.