The Summer of One

This summer has been a simple one. No plans, no vacations, no rushing with places to go. Yet, even with these slow summer days, I have found wonder in simple things. My daughter is one, and though I should be teaching and modeling a thing or two for her, she has given me the biggest gift this summer. The gift of appreciating things that I have been too rushed to notice. Here are just a few things I’ve learned from her this summer.

Fun is simple

We often chase big and exciting things. Our culture is constantly telling us “more more more” but my daughter finds fun wherever she goes. The thrill of splashing in cold water on a hot summer day. Opening up a new colorful book. Watching cars go by and getting excited when you recognize the “vroom vroom.” Ripping up paper and watching it fly in the air. These simple activities have made me question, what do you actually need to have a good time?

The Power of Music

My daughter doesn’t know what the greatest or latest hits are, but every time she walked into our favorite coffee shop, she started to dance to whatever song was playing. She felt no shame, no embarrassment, just wiggled and bobbed her head to the beat. She doesn’t know the words, only knows that it brings her joy. How often does music bring us together? More often than not, I would think.

The Excitement of Learning Something New

We learned the word “ball” this summer. Anytime she sees a ball anywhere, she gets excited, points, and shouts “ball”. This might not be groundbreaking learning, but it is exciting when you learn something new. Whether it’s learning a new craft, figuring out a puzzle, or discovering a new word, our brains do light up when things start to click.

Appreciate the Wonder of Small Things

From the lone dandelion in a giant field of green grass to watching an ant march in the cracks of the sidewalk, these things I haven’t taken the time to notice until walking with my daughter. She thinks walking down the sidewalk is the most fun thing, but she stops every few minutes to observe her surroundings. I often feel like I’m constantly rushing through life, trying to check boxes and get to the next thing on my list, but maybe there is something to be learned by observing nature’s small moments.

Smile and Say Hi to Everyone You Meet

I am an introvert and not a social butterfly. My daughter, on the other hand, shrieks with glee whenever she sees someone. We have met so many different people this summer, as well as many dogs, because she takes the time to smile at strangers. I personally have felt like I need to avoid eye contact and stay in my lane. However, I have found that most people like to chat. Sure, being a cute one year old might be easier to get people to smile back at you, but who knows how a small smile might change someone’s day. I think the world could use a few more smiles. It might just be the key to making things a bit brighter, a bit safer, and bring a bit more joy.

So maybe this summer wasn’t filled with travel or plans. However, I think it might be one of the best summers yet.

The Journey of Trying to Conceive

In the beginning, you can picture it.

A family of 2 becoming 3.

Excitement of welcoming this new concept fills your mind.

After the first month, it was almost a relief.

Were you really ready for it to happen that quick?

How many people actually get pregnant “the first time?”

A few more months pass.

You start to imagine what would happen if you got pregnant this month.

Maybe the baby will share a birthday with a grandparent?

Oh! Christmas is coming! You can share the news with a gift.

You imagine the joy this will bring to your family and it fills your soul.

You start to think, this is the month.

Doodling potential names and envisioning the child but it still doesn’t happen.

After 6 months, you decide to take it more “seriously”.

You research and discover terms you’ve never heard of before.

Ovulation kits, basal temperature, TTC, DPO, Peak week…

You download a better app and start tracking everything.

You become hyper aware of your body.

Everything it’s doing and not doing…

You think, now I know what I’m doing.

It will surely happen.

Summer comes with a new sense of hope.

It comes with less stress, and more time.

But it doesn’t happen…

The same negative results.

After a year, it turns into fear.

Something is wrong.

You need to call a doctor but you also know you are afraid that something isn’t working.

You finally decide to call and can’t get into a specialist for 3 months.

So you continue to track and pray.

Hey, maybe you will get pregnant before the appointment?

Sometimes it just takes time, after all.

Your appointment finally happens.

They send you for tests.

Another month passes.

They refer you to another specialist but you can’t get in for 6 weeks.

Bills start to pile up, why isn’t anything covered? You knew this but still why? You thought we were living in a society that states we should be “prolife.”

Meanwhile, each month is the same.

It never gets easier.

In fact, it gets worse.

People start to announce pregnancies and instead of being happy, you cry ugly tears.

Jealousy fills your soul.

Emotions that didn’t exist before start to become routine.

Each month is the same: tears, acceptance, hope, anger, tears.

It’s as if you’re rolling a dice and you never land on the right number.

Is becoming a mother actually worth this?

People start to ask why you have cats on your Christmas cards.

When will you ever start having a “real” family?

All your life you debated on how many kids would make the perfect family.

Now all you want is one.

People who “accidentally get pregnant” seem like a cruel joke.

Will you just accept being a “cool aunt”?

Maybe God doesn’t think you should be a mother, that’s why you can’t get pregnant?

When we have kids, becomes if we can have kids.

Eventually you stop tracking.

You need a break.

That family of 3 starts to get hazy.

You no longer can imagine what it would be like, because it doesn’t seem possible.

The cycle continues once more.

Goodbye “Adjustment” 20s and Hello “Grounded” 30s

During the winter of 2017, I got into a major car accident. This event shook me to the core and even though it took a year, I eventually went to therapy. When the therapist described my initial diagnosis, I wasn’t surprised by PTSD but was confused when she said I also had adjustment disorder.

I was confused as I had never heard of the term before that day. When she explained it was caused by many life changes I bluntly asked her, “Wouldn’t everyone in their 20s have adjustment disorder?”

Because let’s be real, everything about being 20 is a huge adjustment. You’ve technically been an adult for two years, but have no idea what you’re doing. It’s the time of your life where you’re trying to figure out “what you want to be when you grow up” and realize growing up isn’t as cool as you thought.

You see other people start to accomplish things. Friends are getting married and having kids or establishing careers. Meanwhile, you’re thinking if your college degree was actually worth the thousands of dollars in loans and you start to debate if living with mom and dad isn’t really that bad of an option. You wonder if every decision you’ve ever made has been the “right one” and wonder why it’s so hard to find a doctor and dentist in your new town. How do you make friends again? Wasn’t that something you learned in kindergarten? Why does it feel like you’re behind everyone else?

However, the beauty of your 20s is you might not know what you want to be when you grow up, but you figure out who you want to be when you grow up. You get to learn from all of those “adjustments” and figure out who you truly are as a human being.

During my 20s, I figured out what I truly cared about and valued. I realized I shouldn’t care about everyone’s opinions of myself and to keep the people who truly matter close. There started to be less stress about outer appearance and more work on who I was internally. I started to realize that there is no “time line” to accomplish things and life is not a competition.

As I reflect on the last ten years on the last day of my 20s, I am proud of the good times and hard times because they’ve made me into me. My 20s gave me a voice and for that I will always be grateful.

My hope for my 30s is to take the values and confidence I have and continue to grow and thrive. I know there will still be adjustments in my 30s, but I can lean on my 20s to help navigate those adjustments.

So goodbye 20s, you were fun while you lasted. However, I’m looking forward to taking those values that were established in my 20s and being more grounded in my 30s.

Thoughts from a former Skinny Girl

My body has carried me countless miles. Despite the difficulties of breathing as an asthmatic, it has proven it can do amazing things. It has run marathons, hiked mountains, and swam countless pools and oceans.

Yet, I shame it almost daily. I question why it can do all of the things but not look like the fitness models on social media? It’s changed so much in the last few years that I don’t recognize myself anymore.

I use to hear comments all the time about how skinny I was. I was known for being skinny. It was an identifier for myself for most of my life. Those comments are now silent and I can’t help but feel shame. Blaming myself for not restricting my diet and not picking healthy options in favor for comfort food.

I tell myself to make better food choices, only to ignore it and eat a doughnut. This then leads to more shame and blame. I didn’t run today, so I didn’t earn it. This notion is so ridiculous because food is fuel. Regardless of whether I exercised, I need to eat. When did eating become a reward instead of a requirement to survive?

I no longer identify with models but see myself relating to the Greek Statues. This in itself proves beauty is a societal construct changing with the times. My head rationalizes I am fine. I am worthy. I am strong and healthy. Yet, the doctor hands me a paper stating my BMI is becoming higher. I am overweight and what am I doing to stop this from continuing?

I constantly worry about the day I become pregnant. If my body changes scare me already, what will happen when it no longer is my own? When it goes through the most extreme changes and becomes the home to a new life?

Yet the thing I fear most is having a daughter. I know the echoes they could hear if I continue to hate on my body. The fear of looking “fat” and not being confident in myself is something I do not want my child to inherit.

I am aware I am not special when it comes to these intrusive thoughts. I know we cannot always maintain or expect to look like we did 10 years ago. That maybe long ago wasn’t the healthy version of myself and right now is better?

Yet, it’s hard to rewire the brain to think differently. It is hard to see yourself changing and not fully grasping what is happening. It is a process. It is a journey that I don’t know if I ever will fully accept and embrace but awareness is the first step.

I did not write this to throw myself a pity party or seek compliments and reassurance. I wrote this because I know I’m not alone and wonder if we can change these thoughts? Those comments about being skinny was the only comment I ever really got growing up, or at least the one that sticks in my head the most. What can we do as a society to shift the mind that we are more than our weight, our BMI, and to embrace our body and the changes that come with it?

My Nonpolitical Statement

“When you see something that is not right, not fair, not just, you have to speak up. You have to say something; you have to do something.” -John Lewis

Looking back at the past it’s hard to understand why slavery was ever a thing and why someone would say hateful or harmful things to another person based on the color of their skin. I would like to think if I lived back then I would be on the right side of history.

However, after recent events in our divided country I am fearful of standing up too loudly for what I believe is right because I am afraid of losing my job for posting something “too political.” It makes me feel like a rock is crushing my soul because in my mind acceptance, justice, and equity shouldn’t be political but it feels like it is.

Yet, not saying anything at all feels like being a bystander in a bullying situation. I see the bully doing the bullying and yet I stand and just watch it happen. I do not want to be a bystander and not feel like I’m standing up for a just cause.

So here is my nonpolitical statement of what I hope happens when I teach my students…

I want my students to feel like they can trust democracy and believe there is more good than evil in the world. I want them to think critically, do the research, and learn through multiple sources of news, books and articles. Yet for them to also know we only ever know so much and things can and will change.

I want my students to know we are never done learning or growing. I want them to know that it’s OK that who we were years ago can be different than who we are now. Mistakes are tool for growth not destruction.

I want to them to understand before shouting to be understood, to have knowledge over fear, and to live a life of love not hate.

Those are my only wishes and hopes. If we can teach the world to do these things maybe we can find peace and understanding.

The Messiness of a Memory

Memories are strange.

I ask myself why are some parts of time captured forever while others are forgotten?

What makes my brain think, “this is important, this must be remembered.”

An image, tune, scent can bring me back a forgotten moment trapped in time.

The snowy horizon line takes me back to a farmhouse and Christmas Village decorations.

The smell of dial soap reminds me of summer days spent eating chocolate ice cream with bananas.

I want to shout, “Remember this! Do these images and smells not resonate with you at all?”

I then realize these small joys of simple things are only shared with two other people.

Eventually, I’ll be the only one who lived in these moments.

When I’m alone with these memories, is it best to keep it a secret or share these with the world?

To share these thoughts that mean everything to me, but may be mundane moments to others make me fear they won’t be appreciated or accepted.

To think, so many have gone with memories they never got to tell and left the world with the possibility of being the last person who knew of those shared times spent with others.

So when I smell dial soap and see a fresh hillside covered in snow,

Do I hold the story tight, or let it go?

The Comeback Kid

Dear Reader,

I may or may not know you but I feel you. I understand life is not easy or fair and shit happens for no rhyme or reason. I’m here to tell you this moment or these moments that are crushing you, are what makes people come alive and determine our ability to be that Comeback Kid we see in the media. It’s not how we fall, but how we rise that matters.

Maybe you have recently experienced loss or heartache. That person you gave your life to is now the one who also took everything away. The pain stings of wasted time, energy, and hope. You put on a brave face because people rely on your positive energy and life even though you are struggling to just get out of bed in the morning. The pain is like rocks that suffocate your spirits but it is in these times that you need to stop and let others take care of some of these emotional burdens. It is NOT your job to help everyone else. This is the time to care for your SELF. This is the time to be selfish as you rediscover what makes you happy and you again. Go out and dance, rediscover hobbies and if they aren’t as fun find new ones. It may seem that life as you know it is over, but where you are is not a good place. Look instead to see this as the time to restart.

You might be the athlete who in a single moment saw their dreams go away as they fell to the ground. A scream pierces the arena and you realize it’s you. All those hours of slaving away at the gym, all those miles run, and all that pain from torture you put your body through is now wasted in a second from an injury the cripples the once powerful machine you have spent years creating. This moment will run through your head and the only way to get rid of it is to beat it. This moment will not define your accomplishments. How you react and overcome this moment will be your true story. The road bump is great but it doesn’t have to be the end. You create your destiny, not some injury.

To the one who has recently been diagnosed with illness, there is no way to sugar coat this. Sometimes, life just plain sucks and it’s not fair. These are the moments to find your values and live it. Use your friends and family and hold them close. Let others take care of you. Listen to the doctors, but also listen to your heart. Miracles happen and I believe love and support are part of that process. Believe you are the fighter everyone knows but also know it’s OK to be angry, curse, and scream but it’s not OK to let this defeat you.

For my people who are lost, I see you. When everything seems complicated and everyone else has it figured out know they really don’t. Go out and experience life because through experiences is where and how we find ourselves. Being lost and confused on what you are doing is scary because it’s unstable, but I envy you because you are not stuck in some box yet. Think of this as a way to figure out what you really want in life. It might take you weeks and it might take you your whole life but at least you can say you are doing this for YOU and not just to check boxes. Remember, life is not one single destination but it’s made up of tiny moments that take us on a journey of self discovery.

So no matter which Comeback Kid you are, I believe you will bounce back. Time is key. Though we want instant fixes, it’s the process of going through trying times that makes us into someone stronger than we ever thought possible. You have the tools. Now go out and live.

Sincerely,

Bee the Thread

Let’s get rid of the idea that “If I can do it, you can too.”

Ah yes the good old phrase, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” is a staple in American culture. We in fact are the country of opportunity where many an immigrant has come to chase their fortune and better their life. America has many opportunities. I was able to become educated as a woman which is not something all countries have and I have moved freely multiple times without any problems which again is something not all people can do in other countries.

There’s a great debate going on with this next election that some canidates are pushing to get rid of student debt since it’s impacting many young people who want to buy houses, start a family, or even they just need money to survive. Those who do not agree with getting rid of student debt usually say something such as, “I was able to put myself through college working a part time job and I didn’t attend a fancy school and majored in a reasonable career not something like philsophy. Therefore, all you students made stupid choices and need to reap the seeds you have sown.”

Now before I argue why this mentality is the most horendous notion ever let me continue to say I do not think college should be free. I believe in toxic charity and the idea of just giving things away to people without them having to earn anything is not good. There is something said about knowing the value of working hard to achieve something and those who are just given things without any expecations sometimes take those things for granted. However here are some reasons why the “I did it this way so you can do it too” doesn’t fly.

Community College, Fancy College, You still can have Debt

I am one of the 44 million Americans who have student loan debt. I attended college out of state, but it was cheaper for me to attend school in Iowa. Yes, I could have attended the local community college and had significantly less debt but it was not the best choice for me. My brother, did attend a community college before going to the University that I attended and still has debt so this notion of going to community college first to prevent debt doesn’t neccessarily work anyways.

Most people I knew in college worked Part time if not Multiple Jobs

I have no idea why people think students don’t work today. All throughout college I had multiple jobs but minimum wage in Iowa is a $7.25. Please tell me how working even full time at $7.25 can pay for your college tuition? Working 40 hours at $7.25 is about $13,920 a year but I did not take out taxes so it would be signifcantly less. Average tuition in Iowa is about $9,000 but that does not include room and board and textbooks.

Not All Majors are “silly” and still make significantly less

I went to school to become a teacher. The amount of debt I have versus my monthly pay check doesn’t balance. My first year as a teacher I took home roughly $800 dollars every two weeks. Wal-Mart cashiers were making more than me. If I had a child, I would have qualified for food stamps. If anyone thinks education is a “silly useless” major they need to think of how that could significanlty impact our country. Teacher shortage is no joke but why would anyone want to go into a field where you pay the same amount of money for school as everyone else but make a lot less? I know I have had people tell me, “You knew that your income would be little, so don’t complain about the money that was your choice.” Well, OK buddy still doesn’t make it right. If no one fights for the equality of pay who will?

Social workers are dealing with similiar isues and many of them who go into social work need to get their masters to advance which is even more debt. A lot of programs where you get your masters, you must take a internship which is often unpaid and prevents you from working.

My only saving grace is hopefully in another 5 years I can apply for loan forgivenes. However, 99% of the people who applied for this have been denied so that outlook isn’t looking so good.

In my opinion, if Loan Forgivness Programs actually work, they are a great idea. People are earning their way back and can know that eventually they can see some relief. Right now loan forgivness programs are for careers such as educators, nurses, social workers, police officers, and firemen among many others.

Things aren’t the same as they were “back in the day”

Student loans interests rates are ridiculous. My current rate is almost 7%. My car loan on the other hand is 1%. I will have my car loan paid off soon while I won’t even be close with my student loan. Now, if there could be a plan to get those rates lowered or taken away more people could pay off their loans.

In 1980, the average cost of college for all four years was $9,970. Now, that’s one year of tutition. More people could pay off their college while working part time with that kind of cost but it’s not 1980 anymore.

People can not compared to what they went through if it was years ago. The standards are not the same.

Your life experience is not the same as everyone else

“If I can do it, you can too,” is not a logical statement. Everyone has different life experiences and circumstances. This is casting blame and judgement for those who are trying but can’t get out of poverty, debt, or addiction.

In the case of college debt, if you are a recent grad and made it out debt free maybe you have some say in this crisis. However, if you went to college 20 plus years ago remember the cost has increased signigicantly, interests rates are high, and the minimum wage has stayed stagnant for 10 years but prices have not.

Maybe you had a rough start to life and were able to make it. Congrats! However, not everyone can. It all comes down to wealth, race, and opportunities. If you don’t happen to get lucky in the gamble of life you might not make it out.

Sure, you can make your own luck by working hard but that doesn’t happen for everyone. For example, in order to get a decent job, you need to at least finish high school and go to trade school or maybe college. But, what if don’t finish high school because you’re reading level is significanlty lower than most which impacted your ability to learn and do well on tests? This didn’t just happen because you’re lazy, in fact you’re the opposite of lazy but you are tired. You’re tired of being behind in your class since kindergarten because your parents for some reason or another didn’t have time to help you or read to you or give you the love you needed to grow. Your teachers tried to get you the help you needed but increase class sizes and higher demands never closed the gap you so desperately needed. Maybe a private tutor in the summer would have helped but the cost of a tutor is $20 to $30 dollars an hour. Your parents couldn’t have afforded rent let alone a tutor.

Or maybe you have recently been diagnosed with depression. Aunt Susie says she knows a girl who has depression who started doing yoga and now she’s fine. Why don’t you start doing yoga? Sitting in bed isn’t going to help you out. You need to get out and live! Meanwhile, Aunt Susie doesn’t realize a symptom of depression is not being able to physically get out of bed to do the things needed to get better and the cycle continues.

We Need Empathy Not the Blame Game

I read a quote recently that states, “We need to stop putting others in their place, and put ourselves in their place.” People can judge all they want but unless you are that person you have no idea what is going on with them. Explaining to others that “I was able to do this so others can too if they act more responsible” is such a childish thing to say. It reminds me of when my sibilings got things that I never got and I would whine that “Why did I have to pay for this but they don’t have too?” Was it fair? Not neccessarily, but having things fair and having things equitable are two different things. The mature response is to be happy for the opportunites my brothers were able to get not to shame them or my parents.

This also applies to society. Just because you didnt’ get this chance does that mean everyone else should have to suffer? Progress does not happen if we were to say, “Well back in my day I had to drink at a separate water fountain so every other person should too.” That statement sounds ridiculous and though it’s an extreme it is also relevant to college debt crisis and other issues such as health care.

There is so more to a human than what appears at first glance. Humans are more than the mistakes they may have made. Sometimes, those mistakes are due to circumstance out of their control.

Life is a roll of the dice. Be grateful for the things you have and do not shun those who haven’t made the same progress as you.

It’s Not Equal

It’s Not Equal

Broken bathroom doors,

Water dripping,

Straight to the floor.

“Ghetto ass school,”

They mumbled.

1 to 1 has no one fooled.

It’s Not Equal

Lounges for students to collaborate and learn,

Clean and safe facilities,

No need for concern.

It’s Not Equal

$25 Dollars to spend on supplies for the year,

Limited copies,

Rummage the garbage cans and hope that pencils appear.

It’s Not Equal

Bright welcoming hallway,

Endless supplies,

“Need anything? Ask don’t pay”

It’s Not Equal

Chaos in the home,

Jail, Drugs, Deportation,

Thing children shouldn’t struggle with alone.

It’s Not Equal

Books read every night,

Supportive families

Help pay for field trips that bring learning to life.

It’s Not Equal

They take the funding away just to watch the poor fall,

Cut teachers, cut programs,

But wait, America has equal educational opportunities for all?

It’s Not Equal

I had the Best Interview of my Life, and then I Cried

It’s been a hard school year. A really hard and challenging school year. There’s 7 days left with students, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’m dying for the stress of student behavior, academics, grades, and planning to be over. I’m running on survival mode and just trying to keep positive but by the end of the day I’m a grumpy, hot, mess.

There have been times this year I really hated my job. I felt like a failure and didn’t even know if I wanted to be a teacher anymore. It didn’t help that the winter was long and bitterly cold, but I was in a funk I could not shake. Along with being a miserable winter my district was planning on cutting 100 teachers and staff and I knew my job was in danger. Fast forward to March and I found out I was involuntarily transferred to another middle school. I was fortunate to still have a job. However, my current school, despite the challenge, has been my home for three years. It is where I’ve grown the most as an educator and even though I’ve had some really tough days I am proud of my kids and the work of my co-workers.

I decided this transfer was my sign to start applying for elementary jobs. I have been wanting to try elementary again since that’s what I always intended to teach. I also knew I should not give up on teaching yet until I try a different grade level and school. I started to get excited about the idea of being back with younger kids and was hopeful for the next year.

I have probably applied for over 50 jobs. About half of those jobs have been internal positions in which I thought I would at least get an interview but have only heard back from three schools. I knew it would be hard since so many people in my district got moved to different buildings and probably wanted a say in what they were teaching. I have gotten a lot of denial emails and started to feel down again. Maybe elementary was just not in the cards?

Last Thursday, after having another challenging day at school, I was sitting up in bed when I got an email at 9:30 PM stating I was selected for an interview for an elementary position. The school district that sent me this email is the complete opposite of my current school district. My current district has a high percentage of kids in poverty while this district has a significant lower poverty percentage. I was in shock that I had finally heard from this school district having applied back in February. My hopes rose again and I started to panic. This was a HUGE interview for me. I started to go back and look at all my lessons making a list of things I have done that make me stand out. This district was stable, my current district not so much, and I knew this was a big opportunity that I could not pass up.

Today was my interview. I was nervous but felt more prepared than my previous interviews. The questions went well. I felt like I had more specific examples and the interview became very conversational and not just question and then answer. I started to feel comfortable and confident.

We had finished up questions and I started to ask my own questions, when one of the principals asked, “You could be moving districts, what would your students say if they found out you were moving to another school district?”

This is when I lost it. I started to cry in front of five strangers, four principals and the director of elementary education.

You see, I have not told my students I had been transferred because I was waiting until I knew for sure where I would be in case I got an elementary position. I had been dreading this conversation since I found out I had been cut from my building. I did not want my students to think I was another person leaving them behind. Despite all their flaws, I care for these kids so much. I wont’ lie, I complain about them but am the first to defend them to people outside of my school.

My students are tough to like sometimes, but so easy to love. They say and do things that they shouldn’t but they are MY kids and I love them all individually. Sometimes, they just need someone to listen and care. Their stories are heart breaking and when I’ve sat and gotten to know them it puts everything in perspective. You see, that’s all they want. They want to be heard but people often see the behavior and start the judgment before they even get to know the students.

So after crying, I was honest with my interviewers. I said they would miss me and question why I was leaving. I have felt this guilt about applying outside the district because I know that even though I don’t always feel like a good teacher, I am good for these kids. My students deserve good teachers too, but I want some control in my destiny and this is why I was applying to other schools.

All of the people at my interview could tell I cared. Heck, this was the first time I realized just how much I care. I think all the stress had been building up from this year and I finally had my breaking point. I got an apology from the principal who asked the question and another principal told me tears were a sign of sincerity and passion. She also said to keep my head held high and that every student deserves that kind of love.

I should hear back from this district within the next week or two. I literally put my heart and soul into that interview. Gosh, I even had an Oscar worthy cry session in front of them so I know despite what the results might be, I did my best.

I wish education was truly equal. I wish all students had the same opportunities. I wish we were given more funding for students who need emotional and behavioral support instead of all the cuts. I wish teachers, paras, and all other support staff were treated with dignity and respect. I wish so many things for the sake of education, but unfortunately more negative things have happened lately than positive.

I know I can’t change policies or funding, but I can try and be a change for my students whoever they may be the next year.