It’s been a hard school year. A really hard and challenging school year. There’s 7 days left with students, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’m dying for the stress of student behavior, academics, grades, and planning to be over. I’m running on survival mode and just trying to keep positive but by the end of the day I’m a grumpy, hot, mess.
There have been times this year I really hated my job. I felt like a failure and didn’t even know if I wanted to be a teacher anymore. It didn’t help that the winter was long and bitterly cold, but I was in a funk I could not shake. Along with being a miserable winter my district was planning on cutting 100 teachers and staff and I knew my job was in danger. Fast forward to March and I found out I was involuntarily transferred to another middle school. I was fortunate to still have a job. However, my current school, despite the challenge, has been my home for three years. It is where I’ve grown the most as an educator and even though I’ve had some really tough days I am proud of my kids and the work of my co-workers.
I decided this transfer was my sign to start applying for elementary jobs. I have been wanting to try elementary again since that’s what I always intended to teach. I also knew I should not give up on teaching yet until I try a different grade level and school. I started to get excited about the idea of being back with younger kids and was hopeful for the next year.
I have probably applied for over 50 jobs. About half of those jobs have been internal positions in which I thought I would at least get an interview but have only heard back from three schools. I knew it would be hard since so many people in my district got moved to different buildings and probably wanted a say in what they were teaching. I have gotten a lot of denial emails and started to feel down again. Maybe elementary was just not in the cards?
Last Thursday, after having another challenging day at school, I was sitting up in bed when I got an email at 9:30 PM stating I was selected for an interview for an elementary position. The school district that sent me this email is the complete opposite of my current school district. My current district has a high percentage of kids in poverty while this district has a significant lower poverty percentage. I was in shock that I had finally heard from this school district having applied back in February. My hopes rose again and I started to panic. This was a HUGE interview for me. I started to go back and look at all my lessons making a list of things I have done that make me stand out. This district was stable, my current district not so much, and I knew this was a big opportunity that I could not pass up.
Today was my interview. I was nervous but felt more prepared than my previous interviews. The questions went well. I felt like I had more specific examples and the interview became very conversational and not just question and then answer. I started to feel comfortable and confident.
We had finished up questions and I started to ask my own questions, when one of the principals asked, “You could be moving districts, what would your students say if they found out you were moving to another school district?”
This is when I lost it. I started to cry in front of five strangers, four principals and the director of elementary education.
You see, I have not told my students I had been transferred because I was waiting until I knew for sure where I would be in case I got an elementary position. I had been dreading this conversation since I found out I had been cut from my building. I did not want my students to think I was another person leaving them behind. Despite all their flaws, I care for these kids so much. I wont’ lie, I complain about them but am the first to defend them to people outside of my school.
My students are tough to like sometimes, but so easy to love. They say and do things that they shouldn’t but they are MY kids and I love them all individually. Sometimes, they just need someone to listen and care. Their stories are heart breaking and when I’ve sat and gotten to know them it puts everything in perspective. You see, that’s all they want. They want to be heard but people often see the behavior and start the judgment before they even get to know the students.
So after crying, I was honest with my interviewers. I said they would miss me and question why I was leaving. I have felt this guilt about applying outside the district because I know that even though I don’t always feel like a good teacher, I am good for these kids. My students deserve good teachers too, but I want some control in my destiny and this is why I was applying to other schools.
All of the people at my interview could tell I cared. Heck, this was the first time I realized just how much I care. I think all the stress had been building up from this year and I finally had my breaking point. I got an apology from the principal who asked the question and another principal told me tears were a sign of sincerity and passion. She also said to keep my head held high and that every student deserves that kind of love.
I should hear back from this district within the next week or two. I literally put my heart and soul into that interview. Gosh, I even had an Oscar worthy cry session in front of them so I know despite what the results might be, I did my best.
I wish education was truly equal. I wish all students had the same opportunities. I wish we were given more funding for students who need emotional and behavioral support instead of all the cuts. I wish teachers, paras, and all other support staff were treated with dignity and respect. I wish so many things for the sake of education, but unfortunately more negative things have happened lately than positive.
I know I can’t change policies or funding, but I can try and be a change for my students whoever they may be the next year.
“Larissa, you seriously don’t have to finish that drink,” my friend proclaimed worried watching me take a deep breath holding a rather large drink in my hands.
“Mama didn’t raise no quitter!” I exclaimed in a drunken state chugging the remainder of the drink in one giant gulp. I had just finished a drink called the Road Raper, which got its’ name from the large amount of alcohol in the drink which included EverClear among many others. I previously had been at another bar and was already quite drunk before deciding to do this drinking challenge.
Even though I was successful in my endeavor to defeat the Road Raper (I still have the cup to prove it) the trip home was not very successful. I still remember barely making it to my bed and watching the ceiling spin until I finally threw up the massive amount of alcohol in my stomach. The next day I regretted my decision and thought maybe mama should have told me it’s OK to quit sometimes.
Now don’t get me wrong, because my mom raised me not to quit is the reason I’ve been successful in many aspects of my life. I would have never survived training for my first marathon in one of the worse winters we’ve had in a long time without the don’t quit mentality. I’m constantly trying to push myself to do new things and prove people wrong and a lot of that stems from my up bringing of hard work results in a huge pay off. In many ways this is true but I also think “don’t quit” can be a dangerous mantra.
For example, growing up we never missed school unless we had a fever or puking our guts out. Now in my adult life, I tell myself I can’t miss work and am pretty sure I’ve gone to work with a fever and never even knew it. There has been so many times I’ve probably should have stayed home but didn’t want to appear weak or make other people do extra work because of my absence. When in fact, it is good to take a break especially when one is sick in order to not get worse or others sick.
Another thing that worries me about the don’t quit mentality is the impact it can have on personal relationships. For almost three years I dated a guy who had no real interests in me but I was smitten and thought it would eventually work out. I should have blocked his number after the first year, but instead hung on to the idea that one day our stars would align and we would be both be happy together. Instead, I wasted my time on someone who only wanted to hang out when he was bored.
Now, in my situation I at least just had someone who was harmless, just didn’t want any commitment. Some people don’t want to quit a relationship because it could be dangerous for their safety, they’re manipulated into thinking they need this person, or they have a family with this person and think they must stay for the purpose of their family. If they walk out on this relationship they are quitting on their family which is not healthy either for mental stability especially if this relationship is toxic.
Careers are another huge thing that society tells us we shouldn’t ever leave or quit. Yes, people tell you to have a job that makes you happy but people also hate on those who don’t work and make money. When you quit a job, sometimes it feels like you’re leaving a family or betraying people for your own selfish reasons but is it really that bad or is it just what we think people think?
It’s hard to find a balance of “is my job tough or do I hate my job?” which is something I’m struggling with currently. I’m constantly thinking is the mental strain worth the money and benefits or would I be happier working at Starbucks? Is it my career or is it the building? Do I need to go back to school? Or am I just lazy and need to suck it up? These questions haunt me and I’m sure others feel the same way. For me, I’m afraid it won’t be better at another place or another career. Is the grass always greener or am I really in a sucky situation where I need to escape while I’m still ahead and not completely stuck? I guess no one knows until they take that chance.
Quitting is never easy which is why many people just suck it up but it can be such a relief once it is said and done. I remember the day I decided to quit basketball after my freshmen year. To this day it’s one of the hardest things I ever have done. I knew I was disappointing my family but I seriously hated my life that year I played high school basketball even though I loved the sport. I felt like I was letting my younger self down who always dreamed of being a varsity girl’s basketball player but it wasn’t worth the constant pit in my stomach before practice. Yes, I let a lot of people down but in the end no one really cared that I quit and I was happier because of it. I was able to focus more on running where I loved my teammates and felt like I belonged.
One person I’ve always admired is my youngest brother who doesn’t take shit from anyone. Maybe it’s because he was always smaller and knew he had to be tough, but he never let anyone get the best of him. Recently, he got an offer to help manage his college basketball team. After being disrespected and feeling like he was doing way more than he should have to do, he quit mid season because he knew he didn’t deserve to be treated the way he did. Even though many of us tried to convince him to stay for the sake of his twin, he stuck to his gut and is happier because of it. He is a prime example of quitting doesn’t mean you’re weak. It can mean you have the strength to know your worth and leave a situation that doesn’t benefit you.
So instead of saying mama didn’t raise a quitter, I’m changing my phrase to mama raised a fighter. A fighter has the ability to know when to persevere through the struggle and the courage to know when enough is enough.
The past few years I have been anxiously awaiting the next year because those years were either disappointing or uneventful. 2018 I am pleased to say was different. 2018 was not easy, there was heartache and struggle but also love and adventure. Here are the few things that really impacted my 2018.
Family
Family is the biggest blessing I have and continued to have in my life. It is the thing that keeps me going on my weakest days. This year even though my family is now all separated by distance, we were still able to bond and be there for each other. In March, we all came together to watch and cheer on the twins’ basketball team get 2nd at the state tournament. . In April, we stood in solidarity as we said good bye to our beloved Papa and supported each other through tears and shared memories. In May, we watched the last of the Fab 5 graduate high school and celebrated with friend’s and family. The holidays were not the same as we were never all together, but we can reflect and laugh at past memories as we make new ones in the years to come.
Travel
After moving from Arizona in 2016, I had not traveled much which made me antsy and in 2018 the travel bug hit me hard. Troy and I were able to visit his mom in Florida during spring break. It was a fabulous time of sun, sand, waves, and relaxation.
During the month of July, I traveled to Tanzania which was probably the craziest most beautiful adventure I have ever done. The people I traveled with and the locals we met were some of the greatest most genuine human beings. I climbed mountains, danced with local school children, went on a safari, learned about a different culture, and played in the waves of the Indian Ocean. I learned to step out of my comfort zone and became less ignorant about the world. I know it can be expensive to travel but I encourage everyone to travel even if it’s just exploring a new town or city. We grow and become better people when we leave the comfort’s of our home.
Running
2018 was the first year since high school that I really took running seriously again. I had only done one race a year until this year. In 2018 I ran 3 5ks, a 10 mile race, 6 mile leg in a relay, and a half marathon. Even though my last race of the year didn’t go as I planned and I didn’t make any PRs I am still happy I raced more than I previously had in recent years. In 2019, I am running my first marathon and hope to continue to get stronger mentally and physically.
Started Writing Again
WordPress informed me today that I have been a member for one year. Even though I don’t write on here nearly as much as I would like, I am just so happy I started writing again for myself and sharing my writing with others. My goal since I was a little girl was to become a writer. I know I have a long way to go and need to get serious about my dreams but at least I started. I hope I continue to write, share ideas, and bring people together though writing.
Love
One of the best things that has happened in 2018 was becoming engaged to Troy. I never thought another human could make me so happy but he is definitely my person. I’m constantly stressed and overwhelmed, but this man is always there to help me pick up my pieces. He supports me on all my runs, crazy adventures, and encourages me to achieve all my goals. Even though we don’t like any of the same sporting teams, we still make a great team. Here’s to wedding planning and becoming Mrs. Gaul in 2019.
Photo by Moira Nolan Photography
I just want to end this sappy reflection post by saying thank you to all the people who have been reading this blog the last year. It has truly made my year to know I have people who support me and this blog. Overall, 2018 was a pretty damn good year. 2019 is going to be another year of change, new beginnings, and hopefully achieving goals.
The holiday season is upon us. There’s a lot of great things going on during this busy time. People shopping for others, volunteering, baking goodies for the neighbors, and supporting the community in various ways. There is something magical about this season especially when you’re a kid, but for me things started to change. The magic of the season started to disappear. I remember my mom never looking forward to Christmas and it always confused me as a kid. How could she hate a holiday where everyone was so happy and full of life? However, now I understand. The month of December seems to be a constant state of “go, go, go” without much time to just sit and smell the cocoa.
This month is suppose to be the “most wonderful time of the year” but for a lot of people there is not a whole lot of wonderful going on in their lives. The month of December is the darkest month and for many it is the start of waiting for sunshine to come back into their lives, both metaphorically and realistically. It may be a time for family and friends, but it also can make a person realize how alone they truly are especially if they have experienced loss in the last year or live far from family. Now with social media suffocating our entire existence, seeing everyone jolly can remind people of the things they are missing out on in their own lives.
This is also a time that can be of great financial burden. The expectation is to give gifts but who do you give gifts to and what do you get? If you randomly receive a gift from someone but you didn’t give them a gift it can turn into an emotional nightmare. Or if you’re a single parent somehow trying to make sure your children have a good Christmas even though times are hard.
I will be the first to admit I am struggling right now with getting into the holiday spirit. The last few months have been rough and even though so many positive things are happening I just can’t hang on to them enough. I see everyone getting more involved in work, church, and life but I am exhausted. I will get excited about something but then little things deflate what little energy and happiness I had.
It doesn’t help that even though I’m tired, I see everyone else doing what seems like literally everything all the time. Some of these people have way more responsibilities than I have such as children, grad school, or even another job yet they’re killing life and doing it with a giant smile of their face at all time. This is when I start to get the pit of guilt in my stomach. I think about how all these people are doing all these things to help their world out and here I am sitting in the dark with my cat hiding from human interaction.
Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert and this season of constant gatherings is overwhelming. I tell myself I am doing enough but it’s hard. It’s hard not to compare yourself when you are constantly seeing what everyone is doing all the time. When the world is in a joyous state but you’re not experiencing joy. I start to think that I’m just a Scrooge and need to get over myself and I know there is so much good going on, but I’m just not feeling it.
The holidays can be tough. If you’re experiencing holiday blues, I’m right there with you. There’s a lot going on and a lot to take in everyday. Even though there is so much that is merry and bright, sometimes I just need a silent night.
Growing up is tough. It’s a concept that was harder than I ever imagined because it’s something that can’t be explained. It is a thing that just happens and all of a sudden you’re sitting on the couch thinking, where the hell did time go? Am I really get older? Am I an adult?
When is one considered a grown up? Is it when you graduate high school or college? Get your first “real” job? Or is it something more complicated like the first time you experience loss, heart ache, or have to take responsibilities for someone other than yourself? Maybe it’s not one direct moment but a bunch of events that happen to give you the wisdom to know the things that can be changed and the things that cannot.
As I’m approaching my 26 birthday it doesn’t seem possible that ten years ago I was just turning 16 and thinking I knew everything there was to life. I thought it would be simple. Go to college, get a job, get married, have some kids and live happily ever after and I would accomplish all of this by 25. I was wrong, very wrong. In fact, right now the thought of having kids scare me, I still feel like a child at times, and I’m still confused on what I want to do with my life.
I thought going to college would lead me to my forever career but it just confused me more. There were so many opportunities out there and I felt like high school did not prepare me for all the career paths I could possibly take. What if teaching wasn’t the right choice? What if I was wasting my talents in something and there was another field out there that I should have explored more before committing to education?
I decided to stick with education and am currently in my 4th year teaching. Even though I enjoy working with my students I still doubt my career choice. Is this really what I want to be doing the rest of my life? Is the stress worth it along with the lack of respect for my career from society including members of my own family? Do I really want to be considered a “glorified baby sitter” while having more and more demands placed on myself and co-workers when I could be working in a more “respectable” profession that recognizes my hard work? These questions haunt me day in and day out. Am I really doing the right thing for myself? Yes, teaching is a noble profession and I am proud of the work we do but is this what I want to do forever?
I had a conversation a couple of months ago with a person who was also dealing with the struggle of not knowing what he wanted to do in his life. I told him the funny thing is, hardly anyone knows what they’re doing. The key to being adult is acting like you’re secretly not freaking out on the inside. This is why my mother is a saint. I’m sure when she was raising 5 kids all under the age of 8 and working nights she was slightly in a craze state but you would never know because she kept her cool at all times.
As our conversation continued, I had a light bulb moment. I told my him growing up is not about the career you decide to pursue or figuring out where you are going to settle down, but the experiences that happen along the way. I encouraged him to keep an open heart and explore any opportunities. Do not settle, always keep learning, talk to everyone, travel, and grow. When you realize there’s more to the world than the backyard you grew up in, that’s growing up.
I think of my own journey through adult hood and the things that helped me grow were the moments that took me out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I think I’m not doing enough or my life isn’t super exciting, but just looking back at the first part of my 20’s I realized a lot more has happened than I originally thought. I ran 5 half marathons, went to Ireland and England, moved across the country, got a tattoo, moved to another city closer to home, traveled to Tanzania, learned about new cultures, experienced the joy and heart aches of teaching kids who also taught me to be a better person, and recently got engaged. Life is pretty good when I reflect back. I’m doing alright.
I don’t think I will ever know what I really want to do when I grow up and that’s OK. The thing that I hope I will continue to do is be open minded, try new things, explore the unknown, and embrace change. Maybe by doing these things, the thing I’m meant to do as a grown up, will come naturally. Until then, I’ll keep my options open.
Recently, a horrible tragedy has hit the USA specifically, the state of Iowa. Mollie Tibbetts, a young lady who had so much more life to live, was murdered while running. When I found out they found her body and that she was attacked while running, I felt like throwing up. As a runner, I realized Mollie could have been me or any of my friends who frequently go on runs. Of course, I have read now at least a dozen news articles about how women can protect themselves while running and safety precautions.
Now, while I am flattered that people are so concerned about my fellow women who run I am also angry. I am angry that we are even talking about how women can protect themselves when we should be asking ourselves, “how can we stop males from feeling they can take advantage of any women?” This tragedy, is now another “women issue” when this is not a women’s issue but a male entitlement issue.
I have been running for 13 years and don’t plan on letting this event stop me from running. I am not going to let myself stop the thing I love the most and become afraid. When we let ourselves become afraid we are letting them win. I did not know Mollie, but I believe she would want us to continue to run and stay strong but let others know things need to change. Below you will find my 5 things runner’s worry about but shouldn’t have to during a run.
1.Fear of Running Alone
Even before Mollie’s death, I always told someone I was going for a run. I would jokingly tell my boyfriend that if I’m not back in a 3 hours something horrible happened and he should probably go look for me. I think I always said it as a joke, not because it’s a joking matter, but because it’s so horrifying that if you think about it too much it prevents you from wanting to go for a run.
I am a proud introvert and running alone gives me a sense of peace that I don’t always get when I’m running with others. However, every time I go by myself I always think of what would I do if something bad were to happen. I think all female runners think of places on their route they can go for help if they need it but we shouldn’t have to do this. We should not have to fear that someone is going to attack us but we do because it has happened too many times.
2. Being Ran off the Road
When I go visit my parents in rural Illinois, I run on country roads. I have been running a long time and know the rules of the road such as you run facing traffic. There have been a number of times by myself and with friends where a car will try to “scare us” and drive as close to where we are running as possible even when we are way off the road. The worse case was this male teen practically drove his truck into a ditch just to freak us out and sped away laughing.
I know not all drivers are ass holes to runners. I have had some great people wait while another car passes so that I didn’t have to run into a ditch. However, there has been so many times the car has plenty of room to get over but they don’t. We should all be able to share the road with runners, walkers, bikers, and vehicles.
3. Getting Things Thrown at You
One day I was running with a friend and surprise, another male threw a bag of almonds at us. Now, we joke about making a band called Death by Almonds but what gives people the right to throw objects at you? We weren’t in his way and were minding our own business but apparently he couldn’t mind his. Another friend had a person spit at them from a car for no apparent reason. There has also been cigarettes flung at runners from careless people who litter. It’s inconsiderate and rude.
4. Worrying about what you are Wearing
In high school, I remember it being super hot and the current administrator got mad that some of the cross country girls were running in sports bras. Many argued that the boys were allowed to run without shirts so what was the difference? It all goes back to females getting more scrutinized for what they are wearing. We shouldn’t have to worry about how short our shorts are or how we look in leggings when running. The clothes we wear should not dictate the attention we get. The clothes were made to run in not so people could make comments or stare. Which brings us to number 5.
5. Catcalling/Other Unnecessary Comments
The one thing that bothers so many female runners, and just females in general,is the catcalling. I have been called a bitch many times for ignoring males who make unwanted comments while running. People shouting profanity from a distance, people running up and shouting sexual comments from close by. It doesn’t stop and it has happened to most women I know. I don’t know of any person who met their significant other because they were catcalled and spoken rudely too while out in public. It makes no sense and until there are consequences for it I don’t think it will ever stop. Fortunately for me, I have only had to deal with the comments and not any physical altercation but catcalls are usually the start of something worse.
Women are not objects. Men are not entitled to speak however they want to a women or use them to their advantage. These cases like Mollie’s, are not a women’s problem. It is a male problem and until males start speaking up nothing will change. We are strong but we need allies from our male counterparts that can advocate for us as well.
Every time I run now, I will think about Mollie and those who have also been victims during a run. It will not make me fearful, but instead give me strength to keep on with the run. Speak out and be brave. Run for Mollie. Run for change.
This year, I am teaching a class called Math Boost. Math Boost is essentially a second math class for students who need just a bit of a “boost” to help them get caught up to their grade level peers. I am excited to teach this but know it’s going to be hard to get kids to “buy in” to an extra math class when most of these students probably hate math since they struggle with it. I am thinking of having the kids write me a short note on what they want me to know about them as a math learner or just as a person in general. The idea is to also share a letter I would have written as a 7th grader and then have them write their own. Below is my personal letter to what I wish my math teacher would have known.
Hello,
There are 3 main things you should know about me as a student. I hate math, I’m quiet, and I like when teachers tell me things privately instead of in a group. I’m sure there are more things you need to know but I’ll let you figure that out or ask as the year goes on.
The first thing is I hate math. I would rather poke my eye balls out with this pencil than do some math work but maybe you can help me get better? I think I hate math because it’s the hardest subject. I use to be good at it. In fact, I was the fastest at my multiplication facts in 4th grade and I thought I was good at math. However, in 5th grade everything changed. My 5th grade teacher talked way too fast and she wrote too small so I couldn’t see the board when she went over problems. I kept thinking, how was I suppose to figure this out when I couldn’t see? All of the other kids seemed to get the problem right away but I was always stuck and confused. Since most of the kids seemed to know what was going on, the teacher always moved on and I pretended to know what I was doing. One day, I was brave enough to ask her a question at her desk and she yelled at me for disturbing her. I never asked another question and continued to fail tests and quizzes. My parents got really mad and they tried to help me, but I just didn’t understand. I felt so stupid and this is why I hate math. I hope if you slow down and let me ask questions I can maybe understand things better this year.
Another thing you should know is I’m quiet. I always hate when teachers or students tell me to talk more. If I have something to say, I will say it. Sometimes I will know the answer, but I don’t feel like saying it aloud. I’m not dumb, I just only like to talk when I have an important thing to say. I will participate in class when I’m ready or feel confident in my answer. I already feel stupid in math so please don’t make me go up to the board unless I know my answer is correct. Some kids like being the center of attention and like to talk all the time, I don’t. I would rather stay hidden than be the one up front and center. If you give me some time to process and check my work before I have to write the answer on the board I might get my confidence back. I’m at an all time low, so please help me grow.
Lastly, because I’m quiet I like when teachers tell me things privately. The worse thing you could do is tell me I’m wrong in front of the whole class. It will make me feel like I’m an idiot and I won’t want to do anything after that. I always feel like everyone is talking about me, even though I know it’s probably in my head. Please correct me and help me do better but a conversation at your desk or written notes on my papers would help me a lot more. Also, if I have a question I might be afraid to ask it in front of the whole class so if I ask you later that would be make me feel better.
To conclude, the 3 things you should know about me is I hate math, I’m quiet, and I like conversations to be private. I know you have a lot of kids but I hope knowing these 3 things about me will help you help me. I’m hoping I start to like math again.
So yes, the ironic thing with all of this is I now teach a subject I hated as a kid. Thank God, I did end up with some great middle and high school teachers. My college math professor was the one who convinced me to minor in mathematics because I knew what it was like to struggle and it would help me feel confident in teaching mathematics in the future. I never thought I would end up as a math teacher but after 25 years I know I should never say I’m never doing something.
The key to getting people to trust and appreciate what you’re doing is to build relationships and rapport. This assignment is a way to “bee the thread” in what my students think about math class and how I can help them change their mindset and grow. A lot of my kids deal with some crazy things so I hope this assignment will help me connect more with my kids and adapt my teaching styles to their needs.
A month in a place thousands of miles away from home. A month living with 30 different people who barely know each other yet have one thing in common, teaching. This trip across the world to Tanzania has been life changing to say the least. In a time where I was contemplating if teaching was really for me, it gave me hope that education is where I find my passion and inspired me to do better. Below you will find my top 10 moments from my trip.
10. 4 hour bus ride that turned into a 7+ hour bus ride
Now, many may be thinking why did this bus make your top ten moments? Well, you see this was less than 24 hours of meeting everyone and I firmly believe that this bus trip helped bond our team together. My friend Jess and I literally shared a seat and everyone was squished to the max between bodies and baggage. However, with this being our first experience we still had so much anticipation of the month ahead of us. I remember looking out the window and watching the scenery fly by thinking, “Wow, I’m in Tanzania.” You see, the journey to Morogoro was a time of reflection. I could see the people lined up along the side of the road selling and buying goods and going about their daily lives and I realized we were about to become fully immersed in a culture that differed from our own. It was a good way to start the month, despite being uncomfortable. It really got me in a good mindset of reflection and self awareness.
Why yes, this bus is tilted. Don’t worry, we got it fixed eventually.
9. Not being prepared for a 2 hour cold spell, while waiting for lunch during the hike up Uluguru Mountains
Again, this seems to be a negative moment at first glance. At the time I was truly freezing, uncomfortable, and in a great need of warmth. The heroes of the group came forward as I saw my fellow group members and the hiking guides come to our aide. People were literally giving clothes off their back away to help keep others warm. The main guide led us in songs and chants to keep our spirits up. A lady literally slaved away along a fire to cook 30 people a meal and welcomed us into her living space. That is a common theme in Tanzania, especially Morogoro, people are so welcoming. They may not have much, but they give all they have to others.
7, All smiles after being given jackets from friends.
8. Tea Time and Experiencing Chapati for the 1st Time
In American schools, most teachers are lucky to have time to eat and even luckier if they have a prep period. In Tanzania, the schools I observed had Tea Time. Tea Time is a little less than an hour of tea and snacks. Students have a recess type period and teachers are able to relax, drink tea or coffee, eat snacks, and converse. Many teachers have classes of 50+ students so they also did marking at this time. Tea time was the first time I had Chapati which is a type of flatbread used for snacks or to go with meals. It is delicious and tastes almost like a fresh tortilla. It was definitely a comfort food while abroad. During tea time, we really got to know our teachers and enjoyed each others company.
7. Our Lovely Hotel Room
I had the pleasure of going on this journey with my good friend, Jess. We are now closer than ever due to sharing some interesting experiences. We stayed in a great place that was quite charming and above our expectations but we quickly realized we weren’t in the USA anymore. Granted, my Father has taken me to some sketchy places before, you know the ones that give you Bates Motel vibes, so the Hilux was heaven compared to some places I’ve stayed. The people were welcoming and became quick friends. At one point the air stopped working in our room and we were told to move rooms. Once in our new room we found bugs everywhere, it smelled of urine and body odor, and it looked neglected. However, because our hotel staff were amazing, they cleaned it and it was enjoyable. We even had hot water which we never got in the old room. However one late night, I was about to fall asleep when I head Jess screaming from the bathroom. Jess is notorious for screaming bloody murder when insects are around, so I assumed there was a bug. When she continued to scream I got out of bed to find water shooting out from the faucet which resulted in some confusion from hotel staff but it got fixed and all was fine and dandy. Despite blowing up water faucets, bugs, and cold showers, I really enjoyed the Hilux. It truly became a home away from home.
6. Jungle Speed
At night we had down time when we didn’t have conferences to plan. A few of us found games quite enjoyable and would play at night. One game was called Jungle Speed. It is a fast paced game where the goal is to grab this object in the middle of the table. When your shape matches another person’s shape. It got pretty competitive and intense. Even though I sucked, it was still fun and I have even bought the game for my classroom. The nights where everyone would just hang out and enjoy each other’s company reminded me of being back in college. You could hang out with your friends for no reason at all and it was chill and completely OK. No need for fancy plans or reason, just hang out to hang out.
5. Safari
As a kid, my favorite movie was Lion King. My poor Dad probably watched that every weekend with me but I don’t think he minded. Going on a safari was literally living the scenery of Lion King. It was the most surreal experience and I still can’t believe I was there. Our safari group was great. We bonded over the hunt to find all the animals and singing Toto’s Africa over and over again. The fact that we were apart of the animals’ home and not just in a zoo was crazy. Seeing a lion for the first time not in a cage was breath taking. They are such powerful and majestic creatures. The sunset and sunrise was so peaceful, until Joe started eating chips but that’s a story for another day.
4. Conference Days
Our main mission for going to Morogoro was to give the local teachers strategies they could use in their classroom. This was a challenging task, because when I first observed a classroom I had no idea how I could help them. Their classes are huge. Anywhere from 50 to 150 kids in one room. They were literally sitting on top of each other in some cases because there was no where else for them to go. How could I, someone who’s highest number of students was 26, ever help these teachers who were doing the best they could under these conditions? I also have never led or planned a PD for teachers so it was a whole new experience, but I learned a lot from it. With the help from my group, we were able to come up with some good strategies and prepare some excellent sessions. The best part of the conferences were how much our two schools were interacting with each other. They seemed to really enjoy each others’ company and even if we only taught them one thing, they at least know other teachers down the road.
3. The Hike and Waterfall
I thought I had been hiking before this trip. Apparently, the hiking I had done was a cake walk compared to hiking the Uluguru Mountains. It was challenging but beautiful. The landscape was breathtaking with each step we took into higher elevation. Reaching the waterfall was epic and so serene. The 2nd part of the hike was even more challenging, but the scenery was out of this world. It was crazy seeing villages up in the mountain knowing people live there away from the city and the world. I was struggling going up the steep parts and local women were carrying large quantities of fruit or water on top of their head like it was nothing. The views and villages was like something you would see on National Geographic. It was a once in a life time experience.
2. Sunrise on Paje Beach
When we went to Zanzibar, a group of us woke up every morning to see the sunrise on the beach. I had never felt so at peace as I did when I watched the sunrise in the morning. The busy beach was quiet except for the gentle crash of the waves upon the sand which was soft like memory foam, not rocky, like other beaches. It is one of the moments when my faith is restored. The calmness and beauty of those serene moments before the craziness of life starts brings everything back into perspective. You know you have met good people when you can bond over simple things such as the sunrise.
1. Connections that will last a Life Time
In one month, I bonded with more people than I have in a long time. People from all over the states, the UK, Canada, and of course the locals in Morogoro. The teachers of Morogoro didn’t know us. They barely understood why we were there but they accepted us with open arms and invited us into their lives. I have never met such a welcoming group of people in my life. We all come from different places, different cultures, beliefs, and ways of life but we all care about our students. We all know that in order to empower our students we need to do our best to educate them and give them the tools needed to be a successful adult. Though a month is short in terms of a life time, this month impacted the rest of my life. I hope these connections grow and we continue to learn from each other despite time and distance. The world is now a little smaller than it was a month ago. It’s our job to continue to make the world smaller for others by telling our stories and making our friends, family, and co-workers more aware of Tanzania and its’ beauty by combating stereotypes and speaking our truth.
In one week I embark on a journey of a lifetime. I have the privilege of traveling to the beautiful country of Tanzania. I am excited, nervous, and hopeful that this journey will be life changing and continue to spark my passion for social justice in education as well as “being a thread” to others in the states about my experience in Tanzania. To those who don’t know, Bee the Thread’s meaning is simply to bring awareness and unity to cultures and people who are different from each other. I firmly believe we are more similar than different, it is just we don’t always understand what we don’t know.
When I tell people I am going to Tanzania I get a few interesting responses. The first and most popular response is, “Wow, that’s awesome! This will be such a great experience and I am jealous of your journey.” Most people are super positive when I tell them about Tanzania and why I am going over there. It truly makes me so happy that most people are supportive.
Another response I get is, “Oh man that’s crazy, good luck. I admire you for your bravery but I could never do that.” Again, this response is mostly positive with a slight hint of “Larissa, you’re nuts but good for you.” It also is honest, which I appreciate because I am nervous but I know that the most exciting and life changing things happen when you go out of your comfort zone.
Lastly, I have had a few people look at me dead in the eye and say that I am a fool for traveling and they hope I return safely and not in a body bag, with Ebola, or sold into the sex trade. Most of these people think Africa is a country and didn’t realize Tanzania existed. These people in particular who gave me such a negative response also haven’t really traveled much or experienced things outside of the nice safe corn fields of the Midwest. They are unaware of the world that exists outside of their home which is fine, they just don’t know any better. I can’t expect everyone to understand what they do not know. A lot of the information people get about countries such as Tanzania, is little or if they do hear things it is negative. This is one of the reasons I am traveling. I want to show people that the world is beautiful and we shouldn’t assume the worse.
Now, I am not ignorant of the dangers of traveling. Bad things can happen. A lot could go wrong. I would be lying if I hadn’t thought of all the million things that could happen to me, but bad things can happen anywhere. I was hit by a semi a year ago not even 10 miles from my apartment and could have died. Am I still nervous every time I drive? Yes, but I don’t let that control my life. At first glance, the neighborhood I work in looks sketchy and “dangerous”, but I go to work every day because I know my kids need supportive adults who care and know there are some great families who live in that neighborhood. I run on the bike path, even though I have been harassed a few times by men, but if I stopped going they win. My point is, there are bad things and people everywhere. It doesn’t just happen in Tanzania.
We are scared of what we don’t know. The more we experience things outside of the safety of our own homes, the less fearful we will be because experiences combat ignorance. Whether that experience is traveling, talking to someone who thinks differently than you, or even just reading about a different religion or culture it can help create a bridge to fight stereotypes. I hope that when I return I can share my experiences and make people a little less scared of the unknown and more educated on the diverse beauty of the world.
Bee the Thread 