The Summer of One

This summer has been a simple one. No plans, no vacations, no rushing with places to go. Yet, even with these slow summer days, I have found wonder in simple things. My daughter is one, and though I should be teaching and modeling a thing or two for her, she has given me the biggest gift this summer. The gift of appreciating things that I have been too rushed to notice. Here are just a few things I’ve learned from her this summer.

Fun is simple

We often chase big and exciting things. Our culture is constantly telling us “more more more” but my daughter finds fun wherever she goes. The thrill of splashing in cold water on a hot summer day. Opening up a new colorful book. Watching cars go by and getting excited when you recognize the “vroom vroom.” Ripping up paper and watching it fly in the air. These simple activities have made me question, what do you actually need to have a good time?

The Power of Music

My daughter doesn’t know what the greatest or latest hits are, but every time she walked into our favorite coffee shop, she started to dance to whatever song was playing. She felt no shame, no embarrassment, just wiggled and bobbed her head to the beat. She doesn’t know the words, only knows that it brings her joy. How often does music bring us together? More often than not, I would think.

The Excitement of Learning Something New

We learned the word “ball” this summer. Anytime she sees a ball anywhere, she gets excited, points, and shouts “ball”. This might not be groundbreaking learning, but it is exciting when you learn something new. Whether it’s learning a new craft, figuring out a puzzle, or discovering a new word, our brains do light up when things start to click.

Appreciate the Wonder of Small Things

From the lone dandelion in a giant field of green grass to watching an ant march in the cracks of the sidewalk, these things I haven’t taken the time to notice until walking with my daughter. She thinks walking down the sidewalk is the most fun thing, but she stops every few minutes to observe her surroundings. I often feel like I’m constantly rushing through life, trying to check boxes and get to the next thing on my list, but maybe there is something to be learned by observing nature’s small moments.

Smile and Say Hi to Everyone You Meet

I am an introvert and not a social butterfly. My daughter, on the other hand, shrieks with glee whenever she sees someone. We have met so many different people this summer, as well as many dogs, because she takes the time to smile at strangers. I personally have felt like I need to avoid eye contact and stay in my lane. However, I have found that most people like to chat. Sure, being a cute one year old might be easier to get people to smile back at you, but who knows how a small smile might change someone’s day. I think the world could use a few more smiles. It might just be the key to making things a bit brighter, a bit safer, and bring a bit more joy.

So maybe this summer wasn’t filled with travel or plans. However, I think it might be one of the best summers yet.

The Journey of Trying to Conceive

In the beginning, you can picture it.

A family of 2 becoming 3.

Excitement of welcoming this new concept fills your mind.

After the first month, it was almost a relief.

Were you really ready for it to happen that quick?

How many people actually get pregnant “the first time?”

A few more months pass.

You start to imagine what would happen if you got pregnant this month.

Maybe the baby will share a birthday with a grandparent?

Oh! Christmas is coming! You can share the news with a gift.

You imagine the joy this will bring to your family and it fills your soul.

You start to think, this is the month.

Doodling potential names and envisioning the child but it still doesn’t happen.

After 6 months, you decide to take it more “seriously”.

You research and discover terms you’ve never heard of before.

Ovulation kits, basal temperature, TTC, DPO, Peak week…

You download a better app and start tracking everything.

You become hyper aware of your body.

Everything it’s doing and not doing…

You think, now I know what I’m doing.

It will surely happen.

Summer comes with a new sense of hope.

It comes with less stress, and more time.

But it doesn’t happen…

The same negative results.

After a year, it turns into fear.

Something is wrong.

You need to call a doctor but you also know you are afraid that something isn’t working.

You finally decide to call and can’t get into a specialist for 3 months.

So you continue to track and pray.

Hey, maybe you will get pregnant before the appointment?

Sometimes it just takes time, after all.

Your appointment finally happens.

They send you for tests.

Another month passes.

They refer you to another specialist but you can’t get in for 6 weeks.

Bills start to pile up, why isn’t anything covered? You knew this but still why? You thought we were living in a society that states we should be “prolife.”

Meanwhile, each month is the same.

It never gets easier.

In fact, it gets worse.

People start to announce pregnancies and instead of being happy, you cry ugly tears.

Jealousy fills your soul.

Emotions that didn’t exist before start to become routine.

Each month is the same: tears, acceptance, hope, anger, tears.

It’s as if you’re rolling a dice and you never land on the right number.

Is becoming a mother actually worth this?

People start to ask why you have cats on your Christmas cards.

When will you ever start having a “real” family?

All your life you debated on how many kids would make the perfect family.

Now all you want is one.

People who “accidentally get pregnant” seem like a cruel joke.

Will you just accept being a “cool aunt”?

Maybe God doesn’t think you should be a mother, that’s why you can’t get pregnant?

When we have kids, becomes if we can have kids.

Eventually you stop tracking.

You need a break.

That family of 3 starts to get hazy.

You no longer can imagine what it would be like, because it doesn’t seem possible.

The cycle continues once more.

Goodbye “Adjustment” 20s and Hello “Grounded” 30s

During the winter of 2017, I got into a major car accident. This event shook me to the core and even though it took a year, I eventually went to therapy. When the therapist described my initial diagnosis, I wasn’t surprised by PTSD but was confused when she said I also had adjustment disorder.

I was confused as I had never heard of the term before that day. When she explained it was caused by many life changes I bluntly asked her, “Wouldn’t everyone in their 20s have adjustment disorder?”

Because let’s be real, everything about being 20 is a huge adjustment. You’ve technically been an adult for two years, but have no idea what you’re doing. It’s the time of your life where you’re trying to figure out “what you want to be when you grow up” and realize growing up isn’t as cool as you thought.

You see other people start to accomplish things. Friends are getting married and having kids or establishing careers. Meanwhile, you’re thinking if your college degree was actually worth the thousands of dollars in loans and you start to debate if living with mom and dad isn’t really that bad of an option. You wonder if every decision you’ve ever made has been the “right one” and wonder why it’s so hard to find a doctor and dentist in your new town. How do you make friends again? Wasn’t that something you learned in kindergarten? Why does it feel like you’re behind everyone else?

However, the beauty of your 20s is you might not know what you want to be when you grow up, but you figure out who you want to be when you grow up. You get to learn from all of those “adjustments” and figure out who you truly are as a human being.

During my 20s, I figured out what I truly cared about and valued. I realized I shouldn’t care about everyone’s opinions of myself and to keep the people who truly matter close. There started to be less stress about outer appearance and more work on who I was internally. I started to realize that there is no “time line” to accomplish things and life is not a competition.

As I reflect on the last ten years on the last day of my 20s, I am proud of the good times and hard times because they’ve made me into me. My 20s gave me a voice and for that I will always be grateful.

My hope for my 30s is to take the values and confidence I have and continue to grow and thrive. I know there will still be adjustments in my 30s, but I can lean on my 20s to help navigate those adjustments.

So goodbye 20s, you were fun while you lasted. However, I’m looking forward to taking those values that were established in my 20s and being more grounded in my 30s.

Thoughts from a former Skinny Girl

My body has carried me countless miles. Despite the difficulties of breathing as an asthmatic, it has proven it can do amazing things. It has run marathons, hiked mountains, and swam countless pools and oceans.

Yet, I shame it almost daily. I question why it can do all of the things but not look like the fitness models on social media? It’s changed so much in the last few years that I don’t recognize myself anymore.

I use to hear comments all the time about how skinny I was. I was known for being skinny. It was an identifier for myself for most of my life. Those comments are now silent and I can’t help but feel shame. Blaming myself for not restricting my diet and not picking healthy options in favor for comfort food.

I tell myself to make better food choices, only to ignore it and eat a doughnut. This then leads to more shame and blame. I didn’t run today, so I didn’t earn it. This notion is so ridiculous because food is fuel. Regardless of whether I exercised, I need to eat. When did eating become a reward instead of a requirement to survive?

I no longer identify with models but see myself relating to the Greek Statues. This in itself proves beauty is a societal construct changing with the times. My head rationalizes I am fine. I am worthy. I am strong and healthy. Yet, the doctor hands me a paper stating my BMI is becoming higher. I am overweight and what am I doing to stop this from continuing?

I constantly worry about the day I become pregnant. If my body changes scare me already, what will happen when it no longer is my own? When it goes through the most extreme changes and becomes the home to a new life?

Yet the thing I fear most is having a daughter. I know the echoes they could hear if I continue to hate on my body. The fear of looking “fat” and not being confident in myself is something I do not want my child to inherit.

I am aware I am not special when it comes to these intrusive thoughts. I know we cannot always maintain or expect to look like we did 10 years ago. That maybe long ago wasn’t the healthy version of myself and right now is better?

Yet, it’s hard to rewire the brain to think differently. It is hard to see yourself changing and not fully grasping what is happening. It is a process. It is a journey that I don’t know if I ever will fully accept and embrace but awareness is the first step.

I did not write this to throw myself a pity party or seek compliments and reassurance. I wrote this because I know I’m not alone and wonder if we can change these thoughts? Those comments about being skinny was the only comment I ever really got growing up, or at least the one that sticks in my head the most. What can we do as a society to shift the mind that we are more than our weight, our BMI, and to embrace our body and the changes that come with it?

Dear Nana: A Poem

Dear Nana,

I hope heaven has all your favorite things,

I want you to know I’m trying to embrace,

Whatever life brings.

But grief is not a line,

So even though my heart aches,

I tell everyone I’m fine.

This year was crazy and a lot of us couldn’t be around,

But this poem is going to be about the ups,

Not the downs.

Remember when I would stay the night?

We would watch Wheel of Fortune,

And compete to see who could get all of the words right.

Trips to the Waffle Shop were a staple,

The waiters all knew our orders,

And we always got a table.

I recall long walks by the lake,

We would talk to the ducks and the geese,

And then run home to see what dessert we should make.

Christmas was when your home turned into all of our holiday dreams and wishes.

The décor, the laughter, and love,

Oh how we couldn’t wait to eat those holiday dishes.

Your stories of family traditions and travel are something I will never forget.

You will always inspire me to not be afraid,

To own my decisions and commit.

Your loyalty to family was something that could never be forgotten,

You stayed strong and true,

Even when life was just plain rotten.

You taught me to not be ashamed of who I am,

Or for not knowing.

That if I have faith,

God will get me to where I am going.

Nana, I am so blessed to have had you for 28 years.

I promise to be brave and try to cast away worries and fears.

I hope you know how much I admire and respect all that you did.

Love You always,

Your First Born Grandkid

My Nonpolitical Statement

“When you see something that is not right, not fair, not just, you have to speak up. You have to say something; you have to do something.” -John Lewis

Looking back at the past it’s hard to understand why slavery was ever a thing and why someone would say hateful or harmful things to another person based on the color of their skin. I would like to think if I lived back then I would be on the right side of history.

However, after recent events in our divided country I am fearful of standing up too loudly for what I believe is right because I am afraid of losing my job for posting something “too political.” It makes me feel like a rock is crushing my soul because in my mind acceptance, justice, and equity shouldn’t be political but it feels like it is.

Yet, not saying anything at all feels like being a bystander in a bullying situation. I see the bully doing the bullying and yet I stand and just watch it happen. I do not want to be a bystander and not feel like I’m standing up for a just cause.

So here is my nonpolitical statement of what I hope happens when I teach my students…

I want my students to feel like they can trust democracy and believe there is more good than evil in the world. I want them to think critically, do the research, and learn through multiple sources of news, books and articles. Yet for them to also know we only ever know so much and things can and will change.

I want my students to know we are never done learning or growing. I want them to know that it’s OK that who we were years ago can be different than who we are now. Mistakes are tool for growth not destruction.

I want to them to understand before shouting to be understood, to have knowledge over fear, and to live a life of love not hate.

Those are my only wishes and hopes. If we can teach the world to do these things maybe we can find peace and understanding.

It’s Time we start seeing each other “I 2 I.”

It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I had just finished my weekly long run when the song I 2 I came on my running playlist. Talk about nostalgia! Now if you don’t know this song, you probably haven’t seen The Goofy Movie or have forgotten it existed. (To listen to the song click here). I loved watching The Goofy Movie as a kid and it was probably my top 10 favorite Disney Movies of all time. The main point of the movie is Goofy wants to get closer to his teenage son Max, but being a teenager Max wants to do his own thing and is easily embarrassed by his Dad.

Now, I’m not sure why it took 27 years for me to finally get the point of the song I 2 I but it did. As a kid, I thought it was just a cool song to end the movie. I now realize how this song is about truly listening to understand to form connections such as one from a parent to a child during the teen years. The lyrics go, ” If we listen to each other’s heart, we find we’re never too far apart. And maybe love is the reason why, for the first time ever we’re seeing it eye to eye.” Throughout the movie, Goofy and Max are putting both of their individual needs before actually trying to understand where the other one if coming from. Goofy thinks the way to get Max to like him again is to smother him with attention and bond over a father son trip where Max just wants space and doesn’t realize how much his Dad misses hanging out with him.

As I listened to the lyrics, I realize how this song more than ever applies to our current situation in our world. It’s an election year, there’s a global pandemic and Black Lives Matter is awakening people to the social injustices of our country. Due to all of these things happening people have opinions and boy do people have opinions. My social media is mostly people sharing articles to make people aware of what’s going on as well as comments that state more or less “you’re wrong, I’m right.” Clearly, we as a nation are not seeing I 2 I.

I’m an empathetic person. It was one of my biggest strengths when I took a strength quest test in college but I also have opinions. It is hard to not look at someone’s opinion on social media that I do not agree with and not get angry or upset especially when it seems to me that there are obvious wrong and right answers here but that’s the thing, there are not always right or obvious answers. If you are truly using empathy, no matter how ridiculous you think someone’s ideas are you have to think about where they are coming from and why they think the way they do. Being truly empathetic requires you to look at all sides of a situation. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with a person, but it helps you better understand where they are coming from.

For example, person A may feel like we still need strict lock downs and person B wants to go on living life. If we actually listen to Person A we may realize that person A has someone sick at home and is afraid of bringing the virus home to their family member. Their fear is the idea that they could bring death literally into their home. However, person B has depression and being off of work has caused this to grow worse. Maybe person B needs socialization in order to get out of slump and zoom calls are just not cutting it. If we take the time to listen to both people, can we not come up with a compromise? Instead, we call person A a snowflake who doesn’t care about personal freedoms and the economy and we call person B a selfish person who doesn’t care about others. Sounds silly doesn’t it?

Instead of being empathetic, social media has become an avenue for shaming people and I am guilty of this as well. I get fired up about a topic and I want to shake the world’s head and scream “Why is this happening and why can’t you see this is wrong.” But this tactic is shame. According to the Oxford dictionary shame is defined as, “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” If you don’t believe people are at least attempting to shame people on social media read any comments from a local news station and you will see how grown adults act and argue like a toddler.

Posting about a topic that one is passionate about is fine and dandy but if that person comes off as condescending or pointing a finger at others, it’s not going to cause people to change. Instead it causes resentment, anger, or sadness to where they feel helpless on where to even start changing.

We think people should know better because the internet has so much information but remember we still live in a bubble even on the internet. Who we choose to follow, interact with, and even the pages we like all impact what we see. I can choose to look at someone who may post something I don’t agree with and think they are an idiot but does that actually help? If instead I take the time to ask why they think this and see where they are coming from I can get better insight on to why we think differently. Just a warning, these conversations are much better said in person and not on the internet where things can be easily misconstrued.

We’re living in a time where there’s a lot of tension and unknowns. If we listen with love and understanding instead of hate, I think we will find more solutions. Just like in The Goofy Movie, when Max and Goofy took time to understand each other they were able to build a better relationship and not fight as much. Disagreements are fine. It’s important that we don’t all think the same way but we need to learn on how to communicate effectively and to lead by love and not hate.

My Elementary Teachers Lied to Me

My elementary teachers lied to me. I remember learning about history in elementary school because it was mostly the same thing every single time. We started with Christopher Columbus and learned the cute little poem. I was told he was a hero and didn’t learn until junior year of high school that he did some shady things such as destroy a whole nation’s way of life, brought diseases, and captured local people just to name a few. As far as I know, my old school district still has Columbus day off.

After learning about the heroic efforts of Columbus, we dove into the world of the pilgrims. We were told how they left England due to religious persecution and were saved by Squanto from starvation because he happily helped them learn how to plant corn. This led us to Thanksgiving which made all of our young souls believe that the Native Americans (Who am I kidding? We used the term Indians because our school’s mascot was indeed an Indian) and the pilgrims were the best of friends. We got to dress up as either an Indian or a pilgrim and then go down to the cafeteria and eat random Thanksgiving foods on the floor in our “costumes.” Not going to lie, I loved this part of the school year. I loved decorating a paper headband and adding feathers to it to play the role of an “Indian”. Pocahontas was one of my favorite Disney movies and I wanted to be her. Yet, to my knowledge I have not one ounce of Native American blood in me. Knowing what I know now about cultural appropriation and how the relationship between the white settlers and the Native Americans were not all roses and rainbows, these innocent elementary activities make me cringe. I know my teachers had good intent. I am not sure the resources were out there like they are today for multicultural teaching. This is why it’s important to be open to learn more since there are more resources.

My first year of teaching I taught in Parker, Arizona. Parker is home to the Colorado River Indian Tribes. I learned so much more by just living there about Native American culture than I ever did in school. During my time teaching there, they celebrated CRIT Native American Days which falls in the beginning of October. It would be cool to see a shift of celebrating Columbus Day to teaching more about Native Americans. There is National Native American Day celebrated on the 2nd Monday in October and recognized by California and South Dakota. Hopefully, more states and eventually the country as a whole will recognize this day instead of Columbus Day.

The other history topic that I remember hearing over and over again in elementary school was Civil Rights. This happened usually around Martin Luther King Day. We would listen to his iconic “I Have a Dream” speech and fill out something about our dreams for the future. We talked about segregation and people like Rosa Parks and Ruby Bridges. My teachers did talk about the different schools, bathrooms, water fountains, and the peaceful protests during the Civil Rights Era but as a child it seemed that as soon as we got to the part where Dr. King was eventually shot, that ended everything. We moved on and it gave the impression that everything was OK. He was shot but people learned to be better and his dream was completed. America was the perfect country that loved its native people, ended slavery, and defeated racism and segregation. This was a lie. My teachers lied to me.

I respect my past teachers. They were great and I had a good education. I know times have changed and the idea of teaching racism in a small town community to elementary kids would be tough. I am sure it was frowned upon to even get into such topics and they wanted us to see love, not hate. Times have changed and there are more resources to teach young kids about different cultures in a way that’s respectful and dignified. Edutopia, Ted Talks, and Teaching Tolerance are just a few great resources for educators to talk about difficult topics. The internet was just starting to get big when I was in elementary school so I am grateful for resources that are at our fingertips today.

It wasn’t until college, that I learned our country was not perfect. I did have a high school history teacher who didn’t sugar coat things, but I still thought racism was over. I went to a predominately white high school. It seemed like there was no racism because there was no diversity and we knew nothing different. The only thing I knew about other cultures and races were what was shown on TV and unfortunately the city next to my small town had a lot of systematic racism which was portrayed on the media as black on black crime and gang violence. The city was very much divided and even as an ignorant kid I could see that. You didn’t stop on the West Side and avoided it at all cost.

Growing up, my Dad did a great job trying to expose us to different communities in the area. When we would drive to my grandparents’ house on the east side of the city he would purposely drive through the west side neighborhoods and down town. He often stopped at gas stations and grocery stores that were in “sketchy” areas. This often made me cry and scream that he was going to get us killed. I’m 27 and still alive today so obviously we were safe. At the time, I thought my Dad was being selfish making us drive in “not safe” areas of the city but now I realize his intentions were to make us see the good in the area and to destroy the negative images we had and replace them with truth from first hand experiences.

As a college student, I learned terms that I had never heard before in my life. Systematic racism, white privilege, racial profiling, ageism, and ableism were just a few terms that were brand new to me. As I learned these terms and read more about equity and equality I realized how broken our country is. Once I discovered the truth, I couldn’t hide in my ignorance any longer.

Here’s the thing, I didn’t realize half of what I didn’t know about racism and injustice in our country because I was ignorant. If I didn’t go to college and teach in some of the places I’ve taught I would have no idea the inequalities and broken social structures we have in place. I still have a white wash mind, I am trying to become more open minded and fix the things I have been taught but that doesn’t happen over night. It takes life experiences, learning through books or podcasts written by people of color, and listening to those who are oppressed and actually hearing them. I know not everyone has had these experiences and it’s OK. We can grow and learn everyday. It’s not too late.

It’s our job as white people to teach our people. Not all of our family, friends, and neighbors are aware of the racism, hate, and systematic oppression because they live in a bubble. I loved most of my teachers growing up, but I was taught a white washed view of history and had to learn to change my perspective on many topics. I don’t blame my past educators because maybe they didn’t know better, but if you know better it’s your job to be a voice of truth. As an educator, my mission is to not sugar coat things but to appropriately tell my students things are not roses and rainbows and we can and must do better. Civil Rights did not end with Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks and we have so much more to do and learn.

I am not done learning. I will never be done learning. As our country currently engages in protests for the black community do not think that when this is over it is done. There is a lot of work to be done to fight racism and it will not happen over night. Think also of our people who are Latino, Muslim, and Chinese just to name a few. These groups are also experiencing constant hate from ignorance and lack of understanding of their culture. There is so much more to know and to learn. The best ways to becomes less ignorant is to read about different cultures, learn about white privilege, travel, and engage in conversation with people who are different from you.

Let’s stop lying to ourselves. We can do better.

What Side of History do you want to be On?

What side of history do you want to be on? I have asked this question to my 5th grade class numerous times this school year. In 5th grade, we have dived deep into some heavy topics such as Revolutionary War, World War II, the Cold War, and before COVID19 hit we had just finished reading Through My Eyes, a memoir by Ruby Bridges.

Now if you have not read Through My Eyes, it’s an excellent story from Ruby’s own voice of what it was like to be a young black girl going to an all white school in the south. The words themselves are great to read, but the thing that struck my class and me the most are the pictures. This book has photographs of Ruby heading into the school escorted by US Marshalls while white people, mostly white mothers, are screaming and protesting that this young girl be taken away and to never let her set foot into their school. She was spat on, threatened, and there was even a picture of someone holding a black doll in a casket. This was her reality. A reality that today we look at as shameful and horrid. How could people do this to an innocent 6 year old girl? The pictures do not lie. The people in them appear hateful, racists, and evil.

Now as many 10 and 11 year old would, they questioned why did people do this? How could they? Are these people evil? I explained they are definitely not on the right side of history, but did they know better?

We talked about the culture of the south and the history of slavery. Slavery wasn’t that long ago and some people’s attitudes towards African Americans were not going to change over night, especially if their parents raised them to hate and they raised their own children that way as so on and so forth. It’s a cycle. A cycle that lives on today and if someone doesn’t change their mind they will continue to preach hate and think they are not wrong. I told them it’s easy to judge these people and the photos hold the truth, but what would be really interesting is to see if any of those people in those photos became aware of how horrible their actions were towards Ruby and other African Americans.

Personally, I applaud the people who change and become self aware of how their thoughts and actions might impact others. There was a lot of evil and hate in the photographs of Through my Eyes but I do not doubt someone from those photos realized the mistakes they had make. Can you imagine how hard that might be? If your whole life you had beliefs that were taught to you from a young age, could you change them?

I’m from the North. All throughout my schooling I learned how awful the south was and we were the “good guys” during the Civil War and in the Civil Rights Era. I was raised to treat all people with respect no matter what they looked like. My parents’ values and some of the school’s values became my own and it wasn’t until college, that I was able to make my own values and shape my own understanding of the world, piece by piece and I’m still not done figuring out my values, morals, and beliefs.

If my parents taught me that skin color matters and not to respect people would I still have my current values and beliefs? If my school preached segregation would I believe in integration? I always think back to church. I have nothing but respect for people who convert to Catholicism on their own. There was a few people I knew in college who did it for themselves and not even because they were marrying another Catholic. I can’t honestly say if I would be a Catholic on my own. I’m Catholic because my parents raised me that way, not because I chose this on my own account. Sure, I still practice Catholicism and attend church. I even recently got married in the Catholic church because it was an expectation. It’s familiar and I, like many others, appreciate familiarity. Change is hard.

It’s easy to judge, especially in today’s world when life is so chaotic and information is so easy to access. I fear that because information is so easy to get, we think people need to be able to change and become molded to fit our ideals. At times my social media is nothing but people bashing each other. I get it. I don’t understand a lot of things either, but there’s always two sides to a coin.

The United States went into a panic when COVID19 became a reality and not just some disease halfway across the globe. People started to gather supplies and hoard things. This resulted in grocery stores becoming bare and essential items nonexistent. People were angry about such greediness.

I was also angry about the lack of supplies and people taking way more than necessary but when I heard the news of these empty grocery stores, the first thing I told my husband was we needed to get to the store. Did we really need groceries? No, in fact we would have been fine for a few days, but my instincts told me to get things before everything was gone. It became a competition of who could find toilet paper and pasta.

You see most people’s first thoughts were not to go help other people. It was to fend for your family and yourself. We criticize the masses, but gosh I was not the first to think of other people. It wasn’t until I saw all the posts about helping the elderly that I realized my mistake.

It was then that I saw the beauty of this Pandemic. People started to help each other out. People volunteered to make masks, feed students and hospital workers, and pick up items for others who were at the most risk. Teachers started organizing parades and some companies still found a way to pay their employees.

The big buzz word of 2020 is social distancing. We shake our heads at the people we see still gathered in groups but again do they know better? Do they have parents at home to tell them to not go out? I get most of my “Don’t leave the house” information from Facebook. Do they have social media and if they do, do their friends post this information or is it just funny memes and tiktok videos? Do they even have internet access? How are some of our most vulnerable, such as our homeless population getting this information without libraries and other resources? Do we just shake our head and write a post about social distancing or do we inform and help?

This pandemic hasn’t been easy. Half of my family is in the at risk category, including myself. I worry about them and get teary eyed when people suggest we should just continue on with our lives and worry more about the economy than lives.

Yet, maybe these are some of the people who are out of work and aren’t getting paid at this time? They need the economy back to normal in order to thrive. This makes it a little more understandable.

The problem always boils down to what we know and our experiences. If you have no connection to what’s going on it’s going to be hard to empathize. I didn’t empathize with China at first. I literally thought, “Gee that sucks but it’s not my problem.” We need to change our mindset to value all human life. Maybe this is what this virus is trying to teach us? When bad things happen, it’s not just one person or country’s problem it’s all of our problems. However, we can’t just complain at what people are doing or not doing. We have to inform, teach, and reach out, from 6 feet away of course.

I realize not everyone can do this. For some people sitting at home is all they should be asked to do during this time, but some people might have the energy to do more, only they can decide that.

With COVID19, I didn’t realize my students were already going to have to ask themselves “What side of history do I want to be on?” We can’t change the virus but we can control our actions, our thoughts, and our words. Take time to reflect during this time, be the thread not the scissors that cuts us apart.

The Comeback Kid

Dear Reader,

I may or may not know you but I feel you. I understand life is not easy or fair and shit happens for no rhyme or reason. I’m here to tell you this moment or these moments that are crushing you, are what makes people come alive and determine our ability to be that Comeback Kid we see in the media. It’s not how we fall, but how we rise that matters.

Maybe you have recently experienced loss or heartache. That person you gave your life to is now the one who also took everything away. The pain stings of wasted time, energy, and hope. You put on a brave face because people rely on your positive energy and life even though you are struggling to just get out of bed in the morning. The pain is like rocks that suffocate your spirits but it is in these times that you need to stop and let others take care of some of these emotional burdens. It is NOT your job to help everyone else. This is the time to care for your SELF. This is the time to be selfish as you rediscover what makes you happy and you again. Go out and dance, rediscover hobbies and if they aren’t as fun find new ones. It may seem that life as you know it is over, but where you are is not a good place. Look instead to see this as the time to restart.

You might be the athlete who in a single moment saw their dreams go away as they fell to the ground. A scream pierces the arena and you realize it’s you. All those hours of slaving away at the gym, all those miles run, and all that pain from torture you put your body through is now wasted in a second from an injury the cripples the once powerful machine you have spent years creating. This moment will run through your head and the only way to get rid of it is to beat it. This moment will not define your accomplishments. How you react and overcome this moment will be your true story. The road bump is great but it doesn’t have to be the end. You create your destiny, not some injury.

To the one who has recently been diagnosed with illness, there is no way to sugar coat this. Sometimes, life just plain sucks and it’s not fair. These are the moments to find your values and live it. Use your friends and family and hold them close. Let others take care of you. Listen to the doctors, but also listen to your heart. Miracles happen and I believe love and support are part of that process. Believe you are the fighter everyone knows but also know it’s OK to be angry, curse, and scream but it’s not OK to let this defeat you.

For my people who are lost, I see you. When everything seems complicated and everyone else has it figured out know they really don’t. Go out and experience life because through experiences is where and how we find ourselves. Being lost and confused on what you are doing is scary because it’s unstable, but I envy you because you are not stuck in some box yet. Think of this as a way to figure out what you really want in life. It might take you weeks and it might take you your whole life but at least you can say you are doing this for YOU and not just to check boxes. Remember, life is not one single destination but it’s made up of tiny moments that take us on a journey of self discovery.

So no matter which Comeback Kid you are, I believe you will bounce back. Time is key. Though we want instant fixes, it’s the process of going through trying times that makes us into someone stronger than we ever thought possible. You have the tools. Now go out and live.

Sincerely,

Bee the Thread