Growing up is tough. It’s a concept that was harder than I ever imagined because it’s something that can’t be explained. It is a thing that just happens and all of a sudden you’re sitting on the couch thinking, where the hell did time go? Am I really get older? Am I an adult?
When is one considered a grown up? Is it when you graduate high school or college? Get your first “real” job? Or is it something more complicated like the first time you experience loss, heart ache, or have to take responsibilities for someone other than yourself? Maybe it’s not one direct moment but a bunch of events that happen to give you the wisdom to know the things that can be changed and the things that cannot.
As I’m approaching my 26 birthday it doesn’t seem possible that ten years ago I was just turning 16 and thinking I knew everything there was to life. I thought it would be simple. Go to college, get a job, get married, have some kids and live happily ever after and I would accomplish all of this by 25. I was wrong, very wrong. In fact, right now the thought of having kids scare me, I still feel like a child at times, and I’m still confused on what I want to do with my life.
I thought going to college would lead me to my forever career but it just confused me more. There were so many opportunities out there and I felt like high school did not prepare me for all the career paths I could possibly take. What if teaching wasn’t the right choice? What if I was wasting my talents in something and there was another field out there that I should have explored more before committing to education?
I decided to stick with education and am currently in my 4th year teaching. Even though I enjoy working with my students I still doubt my career choice. Is this really what I want to be doing the rest of my life? Is the stress worth it along with the lack of respect for my career from society including members of my own family? Do I really want to be considered a “glorified baby sitter” while having more and more demands placed on myself and co-workers when I could be working in a more “respectable” profession that recognizes my hard work? These questions haunt me day in and day out. Am I really doing the right thing for myself? Yes, teaching is a noble profession and I am proud of the work we do but is this what I want to do forever?
I had a conversation a couple of months ago with a person who was also dealing with the struggle of not knowing what he wanted to do in his life. I told him the funny thing is, hardly anyone knows what they’re doing. The key to being adult is acting like you’re secretly not freaking out on the inside. This is why my mother is a saint. I’m sure when she was raising 5 kids all under the age of 8 and working nights she was slightly in a craze state but you would never know because she kept her cool at all times.
As our conversation continued, I had a light bulb moment. I told my him growing up is not about the career you decide to pursue or figuring out where you are going to settle down, but the experiences that happen along the way. I encouraged him to keep an open heart and explore any opportunities. Do not settle, always keep learning, talk to everyone, travel, and grow. When you realize there’s more to the world than the backyard you grew up in, that’s growing up.
I think of my own journey through adult hood and the things that helped me grow were the moments that took me out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I think I’m not doing enough or my life isn’t super exciting, but just looking back at the first part of my 20’s I realized a lot more has happened than I originally thought. I ran 5 half marathons, went to Ireland and England, moved across the country, got a tattoo, moved to another city closer to home, traveled to Tanzania, learned about new cultures, experienced the joy and heart aches of teaching kids who also taught me to be a better person, and recently got engaged. Life is pretty good when I reflect back. I’m doing alright.
I don’t think I will ever know what I really want to do when I grow up and that’s OK. The thing that I hope I will continue to do is be open minded, try new things, explore the unknown, and embrace change. Maybe by doing these things, the thing I’m meant to do as a grown up, will come naturally. Until then, I’ll keep my options open.
Bee the Thread 